He Chose Me

I was lucky enough to have a photographer with me yesterday and even if the old Canon Eos Rebel isn’t exactly in good shape anymore, I still have to show a few pictures.

May the first was sunny, for the first time in my entire life. I know that because I have spent countless May the first’s soaked in rain, at union rallies for Labor Day. Anyway, I went riding on my horses yesterday instead. I haven’t ridden Saleem since he got his vaccinations 14 days ago. He always gets sick from that and as such, I have not been in a hurry to start him up again.

Clearly, he wanted to work though. I am utterly impressed by him in every possible way and here is why: My gang has a tendency to chase strangers who ride by on the road.


It’s like the funniest thing ever. I’m pretty sure all the neighbors hate us… When these girls rode by the first time, all five of my horses chased them and was very disappointed when the fence prevented them from further hunting.


They played a little afterwards for good measure.


I snatched up Saleem and we went riding at the back of my pasture.


Ablaze joined us. He always does. I hadn’t sat on Saleem for more than a few moments though, before the strangers came back on the road at the far end of the pasture, and Ablaze instantly ran off to help the others hunt.


I slid off Saleem, thinking that he wanted to join in all the fun. I wasn’t busy, if he wanted to go play, while exciting stuff was happening, I was not going to stand in his way.

To my big surprise, Saleem did not flinch.


I mean he looked, but he did not even consider going off with the others. He just stood right by my side, watching. Waiting. And when the others came back, bucking and jumping like a bunch of morons, he just turned and asked me if we were going to do stuff or not. I still can’t believe it. He actually chose me!

When he could have run off and played with these guys.




Saleem’s son Apocalipse, by the way, my pride and joy;


Tardis and Ablaze, mother and son;


And when Ablaze ran up to us, trying to make Saleem play with us, Saleem told him to bugger off. Saleem was at work. Away with ya, foal! (Notice his teeth.)


If that is not a vote of confidence, I don’t know what is. I have been waiting since 2008 for Saleem to choose me.



He is so positive to work with these days. I knew we were heading in the right direction at long last, but I had no expectations of him actually wanting to work with me like this.


Ride around the foal😉


He looks so happy.


And not only have we found “canter” but we are finding a two beat trot as well. We did have a tendency to be off beat, as he was placing too much weight on his front legs, not carrying himself correctly, but we are balancing that out as well.


I am jumping for joy at these pictures.



Looking at these pictures, I am starting to look like the rider I used to be, before the equestrian world got to me. Only 20 kg heavier… I’ll lose that again somehow… I hate it… Side note…


But this is who I used to be. The rider who trusted her horse and who had her horse want to work for her. I don’t know when I lost that, but I am so glad that I am finding it again.


Saleem is amazing. No other words for it. I sure have made a lot of mistakes with him, but he seem be have forgiven me, at long last. Nothing else matters. But the no longer off beat trot sure is a huge bonus…


He stayed with me. I still can’t believe it. He chose… me…

Posted in Horses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

International Table Top Day And Mud

I’ve been feeling pretty unbalanced lately, hence the lack of brilliant posts on this blog. (Yes, ordinarily I am pretty brilliant, of course… Or Ironic… Whichever you like most.)

It doesn’t take much to knock me off my rocker, so to speak. The guy who owns my pasture has been causing a fuss over the way I have my hay delivered and it really gets to me. I know it shouldn’t, but I can’t let it go, whenever he starts to behave like that.

I have a lot of hay delivered every month. I have 5 horses, three of them still growing up. Between them, they eat about 2400+ kg a month. I have no way of handling it myself, but luckily I have some very awesome “haymen” with huge machines to help me out.

And it was raining the other day, when one of them delivered some of my hay. And the wheels of his tractor dragged mud on to the courtyard. Now, that doesn’t usually happen, but it does now, because the guy who owns the place, has told me to have my hay dropped off in a new place; incidentally, the muddiest spot on the entire property. This is a problem he created, and now he wants me to solve it, basically. Preferably by not having hay delivered when it rains, or by tractor… Both of which are completely impossible for me to achieve.

Yesterday was International Table Top Day. Which basically means that nerds gather and play games all day. I had actually been looking forward to that, which is new for me. I usually despise people and socializing.

It was pouring down when I showed up at my stable yesterday morning, to take care of the horses before I went and played the nerd for the rest of the day. I hadn’t planned on staying at the stable for a long time, to be perfectly honest. Rain and mud really kills my spirits as well, these days. I feel like that has been most of my life, and it is starting to get to me somehow. Anyway…

The owner showed up instantly and spent about an hour, in the pouring rain, bitching about the mud in his courtyard, (which was totally washing away…) and coming up with all kinds of none solutions, like “if you didn’t water the horses next to the hay, it wouldn’t be so wet…” Which is true and so not true. I could hardly stand to argue that the reason the ground it wet where my hay is, is because of gravity. You know, it is the lowest spot on the pasture, which means that when it RAINS, all the rain gathers there… I am not much for science, but even I… Trying not to be snide or too angry or rude, (which is very hard for me,) I listened to him all the while knowing that most of my plans for Table Top Day was being changed, because I was now wet and late and mostly just wanting to go home and curl up in my bed and cry for the rest of the day.

Welcome to my head.

Once I escaped him, I nearly canceled going to Table Top day at all. The prospect of having to deal with people for the rest of the day, was too much.  I have to say, I am a little proud of myself, that I did go after all. And I am very glad that I did.

We have a local store, Dragons Lair, where we usually play tournaments and such, and of course they hosted Table Top Day as well. I knew that the boyfriend wanted to play Hordes and War Machines with one of his friends, which is a game I cannot play because it requites the ability to do math very fast and without a calculator. I couldn’t do that to save my own life, much less the life of my army, so…

While they were playing, I found some complete strangers to play with. Imagine that. Brave, ha? Still not curling up in a corner. Points on the Always Keep Fighting scale…

Ironically we played a game which felt a lot like we were all in the first 5 minutes of Supernatural, as we went exploring an old and haunted house…


I’ll spare you the details of every Table Top game. I’ll just show this Dire Troll from the boyfriend’s enemy, who is busy knocking over a tree… That is awesome… Just saying…


So yeah, I was hanging in there through most of the day, putting on a smiley face. It’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done.

We ended the day by playing Werewolf, which is a game that requires a huge group of people and not much else. Oh yeah, and it does require the will to kill off others. That’s sort of it. I have not played it before, so being thrown head first into a game of manipulation, people skills, bluffs and strategics, was slightly daunting. Not to mention, I didn’t know most of the people and for some reason, I didn’t feel like killing off strangers.

The others had no such issues, which was pretty amusing. It is a completely irrational game, based on all the worst qualities in human nature. Mostly mob-mentality. Ganging up on others.

I have to say, reading body language like I do, and having played games like BattleStar and X Wing with the boyfriend for years, I knew that both of us was being super manipulative and able to see through a lot of the others scheming. Actually, I think it is a good game for nerds to play, improving their ability to read others… No offence, but that is my specialty, that’s how I have survived the equestrian world for as long as I have. It always surprises me when others don’t pick up on body language…

Anyway, it was a super funny game to play and we played it twice. All the while it was getting dark outside and I tried to ignore the fact that I had to get back to the stable once we were done. Sometimes it is just nice to not be the equestrian girl.

I left Table Top Day, smiling for the first time that day, mussing to myself over what makes it so much human nature to kill off others, in order to save themselves… And I drove to my stable in the dark. At least it had stopped raining.

The second I set foot on the property, I could feel my smile slipping. The prospect of having to deal with this place made me feel sick. Not the horses, but returning to this issue that had been pulled down over my head, and which I had no chance of solving. The hay delivery situation.

I thought about that a lot today. I shouldn’t feel my spirits dying when I show up at my stable. This is where I should be happy. My horses is what should be making me smile. I will have to find some way to fix that permanently, because I simply can’t go on like that.

I had the boyfriend back me up today, with the owner of the place. I hate that. I hate not being able to handle everything myself, but this guy bullies me and he doesn’t even know it. Anything that threatens the perfect life I am fighting to give my horses, cuts me down instantly.


The sun was shining today though, and I actually went riding, once we reached some sort of solution with the owner of the farm. I had thought I’d go to some of the rallies for Labor Day, but as it turned out, once we were done debating hay and mud and tractors, it was kinda too late to hear any of the politicians speeches, and it would just be drunk people and even if I am fighting to improve my people skills, that is something I don’t want to handle right now.

So, in conclusion to this pathetic self pitying post, I am still quoting Supernatural to myself most days.


I’m fine. I really am. And I’m smiling. I’ll get a handle on this too. I always do. Until then, I’ll be grateful that Dragons Lair got me away from it all for half a day, and actually made me laugh for real for a change.

Well played, Werewolf. Well played.

Posted in Horses, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Are Not Alone

I don’t believe I should be left alone with Photoshop. I’ve been working on the cover for the first book in The Legacy trilogy, (my next book series,) and while that has been a whole lot of fun, I have needed some picture manipulating practice.

I am a perfectionist when it comes to my covers. These pictures sure don’t measure up, but they have been fun to do. And by the way, they are completely unrelated to my books. They came to be, because some of the actors from Supernatural are starting a crisis line where fans can call for help, and I figured that was a good enough idea for me to support it by buying the t-shirts. I’m not necessarily over enthusiastic about the “You are not alone,” or the “Love yourself first” message, I kinda felt that “Always keep fighting” struck a chord in me, that the two others don’t. That said, I absolutely support the idea of helping others, giving people who need it, a network. Someone to catch them before they stop fighting.


I guess it is no secret to anyone that I am still struggling to deal with the suicide of one of my childhood friends. If I could go back in time, and change one thing, I would go back to the night she killed herself and never let her out of my sight again.


Or just, you know… make sure she knew that she was not alone? I guess that is why I don’t really like that message. So many things I could have done differently, to get that across.


As for loving myself first, that will never be me. I learned to put myself first, when I was a teenager, because my horse, Poseidon, needed me alive. Whenever he put me in danger, I fought tooth and nail to come out on the other side, because if I was not fit to handle him, no one was. I put my life first, because without me, there was no him. Ironically, Janis may have been one of the few people to understand that…


So as much as I appreciate the idea of these messages, I feel slightly hypocritical, wearing them. The truth is, she was alone that night, no matter how sad we all are that she did not keep fighting. The truth is too, that we are alone, in dealing with the vacuum she left behind.


I am the “always keep fighting” kind of person. I always was, even if I have had a certain disregard for my own safety, working with the kind of horses I have worked with, over the years. It has been 11 years and I still can’t wrap my head around how she was so alone and so without a network… How she did not know that she could always call me, or her sister, or… Anyone of us, really.


I hope the SPN network can make a difference. So far, judging from the social media responses I have seen, it already has, without having been launched yet. I see people asking strangers for help online, almost every day, and I see people rally to show love and support. It is really impressing.


As for the cover of my book… I’m not quite ready to let anyone other than a select few guinea pigs see them. Thanks guys, you know who you are. The ones I keep bothering at all hours of the day, going “is this weird? I mean, too weird, even for me?” Sorry. I would like to say that I’ll stop it, but we all know that would be a lie.

And now I have to share this again. Just because.


Posted in Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Aprils Snow

I feel like the nerd side of me is winning lately. Two weekends in a row now, I have spent playing X Wing tournaments, and I am not even that big a fan of Star Wars. I just like playing the game, and to some extend, I find that I actually like the other gamers. Yeah, people I may not hate. Imagine that.


That’s Bob Bobsen, the Decimator decimator, by the way, against my Carnor Jax. Bob here, used to be unnamed, until he single handedly took down my decimator. I won’t lie, when I got the change to get a rematch against him, I went for him, at all costs. Bloody little… Anyway… I’m not vindictive.  Much.

Next weekend, its International TableTop day… What is a girl to do?

Even the horses are judging me.


Add to that, I am clearly developing a bit of a Twitter addiction. I may need an intervention at some point. I am having way too much fun with being on Twitter every waking moment, playing with two of my friends and our schizophrenic alter egos. It is kinda amazing how the internet can bring people together across lands and borders.


Aside from that, its open season for My Little Pony hunting again. Which means that the yard sales are starting. I know what I should be doing every weekend from now on, rather than playing tabletop games… I mean, I found a Minty today. For less than a £1. How awesome is that?


Aside from the spot on her shoulder, she cleaned up perfectly. I can hardly stop jumping for joy. And Jazzie, the yellow with the rollerskates, I actually did not own already, so she is a “very good condition” addition to my collection, in a much more affordable way than Ebay hunting.

Ah, yes, the nerd is winning these days… Its so good that I do have Tardis, to take me back to the real world once in a while, and make me focus on what is right in front of me.


It is a funny weather though. Danish spring, I guess. One moment you are riding your pony, and the sun is shining and is is actually a little too hot, wearing your winter jacket, and the next…


Snow. Its not Photoshop, I swear.

Truth is, there is always one day, in April, with snow, every year. And every time it happens, I feel like there is one girl more on my pasture again, for a brief moment. You can almost see her, right there, in the middle, next to her son…


The winter snow is falling, on a freezing Aprils day

The life that has been stolen, slowly fades away


The wind that has been blowing across the frozen grounds

Howls within the emptiness of a life that ceased to be


The flame burned to brightly, the passion so strong

The spark of life so radiant, now it is just this song


The echo of your heartbeat still follow me around

Your gentle spirit linger where nothing can be found


The flame burned to brightly, the passion so strong

The spark of life so radiant, now it is just this song


The winter snow is falling where spring should have arrived

The cold seems to have settled within this heart of mine

Incidentally, This Song is free to download the 25 & 26th of April. 



Keep the time difference in mind, but yes, the title sequence for my poetry collection was written for one of the most important girls in my life.


Before you think that this post is a bit scattered, I have to say, you are totally right. I am a little all over the place at the moment. I guess that is what spending too much time on the internet, communicating in 113 letter sentences, will do to you. I always felt that there were a lot of voices in my head, (in a completely sane way, of course,) as the characters from my books tend to follow me around at all times, but this may be the most schizophrenic I’ve ever felt. And its a whole lot of fun… However, not very productive when it comes to my writing. I’ll have to cut back on Twitter. At some point. But it makes me smile. That counts for something, doesn’t it?

Well, so do the kiddos. I know. How could they not?


Posted in Horses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Is Anyone Okay With This?

I usually try to stay away from too controversial subjects, because I feel that I am already on too many hit-lists from my run-ins with the Equestrian Federations… I usually fail, though, when it comes to keeping my mouth shut.

So, I’ve been keeping an eye on the responses that has been showing up in my news feed on social media, about the new anti LGBT law in North Carolina. You know, the one that basically allows for people to be bullied and harassed, taking away fundamental human rights, especially from transgender people. If you haven’t heard of it, Google it. It’s ridiculous.

I should mention that I’m in Denmark, and that we are usually a lousy and bigoted people. We love picking on those who stand out, or who choose to be different, but especially those who can’t help being different, because they were born that way. So, I am by no means surprised by the law.

I am horrified, yes. Appalled. Saddened. But surprised? Nah…

One thing that really gets me about the debate though, is that people think women needs protection.

Well, aside from the plain and obvious violation of human rights and such… But I have to take offence, as a woman, to the notion that we can’t share a bathroom with men.

What the f***? I mean, really? THAT is your argument for passing this law? That women needs protection in public bathrooms?

Ahm. Right. So. Speaking as an equestrian who has proven myself capable of doing anything a man can do, over and over again, despite being born as the “weaker” sex, I feel like kicking someone. I sure don’t need protection.

Let’s be realistic. The whole idea of separating bathrooms by gender is stupid. It just makes it easier to pee faster, when you are a man. Any of you ever been to a night club?

The men’s bathroom is always available, where as the women’s has a ten minutes line, before you ever get near a toilet. I guess that is because women has to check their make up and talk to their girl friends without the music being too loud, and technically, the whole urinal thing in the men’s bathroom does speed things up… Yes, I know that. Because I have always been using the men’s bathroom whenever there was a line by the women’s.

I’m kinda impatient like that. NEVER in my life, have I been told not to. I guess none of the men I’ve met, felt that they needed protection from me… So why do women need protecting?

This is not just a violation of equality for LGBT people. It is a violation of women’s equality as well. The second we accept that we need protection, and can’t share something as basic as a public restroom with a man, is the second we accept to be less than said man. Less equal. Less strong. Less able to defend ourselves.

NO ONE should be okay with this. Obviously not the LGBT community, but straight men and women should be horribly offended by this as well. Women, because we just became weak little fairy tale princesses, and men because it is now assumed that most men are predators and will only enter a woman’s bathroom to rape and molest.

I’m not sure why no one is talking about this. Do we just accept it that easily, that men has wicked intentions and that women needs protection?

This really isn’t “just” a matter of gay rights and it should not be treated as such. Something like this affect us all, no matter what gender we were born with, or what gender we identify as.


Even Mewtwo learned… Why can’t we?


History is going to look back on us and weep…

Posted in Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Daffodils, Sunshine, Ponies And Joy

I’ve been debating with myself about whether or not to write this post, because I did create another blog so I would not spam this blog with my ponies;


But, I’m gonna make an exception and post a few ponies here anyway. Yes, I collect My Little Pony. Passionately. And today, I just got my hands on a Sweet Pop, which completes my collection of Twinkle Eye ponies.


I’ve spent the last two years of my life, scrolling through Ebay, and any other pony page, trying to find a version of her in good shape, without it costing a fortune in postage. Denmark is crazy when it comes to import rules, which limits my pony sniping a lot. But I feel like I’ve been looking for Sweet Pops until my face turned blue. And in the end, I settled for this one. She is not perfect. She has a cancer spot on her neck, I know. I’m not saying that I am above replacing her one day, but as she is, she completes, not only my Twinkle Eyes from year four, but she was the LAST of ALL of the Twinkle Eyes I was missing.

Yes, most pony collectors get stuck on Mimic, because she is insanely expensive;


Or Bright Eyes, because she is almost as impossible to find as Mimic;


But I’ve actually had those two for a very long time. And yes, I am kinda looking to replace my Bright Eyes as well, due to that cancer spot on her face. That is the thing about collecting 30 year old toys. Some of them last, some of them… don’t. Its a lot of money and time you spend on them, and they could deteriorate on you at any moment. (The plastic fails.) I guess that makes it extra special, having a complete set of 15 Twinkle Eye ponies, even if a few of them could do with an upgrade.

Here they are then, Hasbro’s generation one, Twinkle Eye ponies;


I know. Letting my Mimic outside… The horror… I promise, it was almost physically painful to me, and not something I’ll repeat. But she had to be in the picture, and those daffodils are so wonderful right now…


To be a little (more) geeky, I will have to show them in their respective series as well. Year four, 1985- 1986;

IMG_1999Left to right; Sky Rocket, Ginger Bread, Sweet Stuff, Sweet Pop, Masquerade, Whizzer, Galaxy, Speedy, and Fizzy. 

Party Time, from the Party Gift Pack;

IMG_1986 img_7635

Year five, 1986- 1987;

IMG_1981Left to right; Quackers, Tic Tac Toe, Locket, Mimic, and Bright Eyes. 

This is going to make me smile for a long time, even if I am not entirely satisfied with all of them. I still love them, and yes, I may want to find the impossible pony one day; a none-regrind Party Time. Or, I may want to find a Locket that doesn’t have a fractured eye… But because I HAVE all of them now, I can sit back and wait… One day, the right pony will show up… One day… Until then, I can focus on completing other series in my collection. Not just looking for Sweet Pops…

Oh, and Mimic survived. She is safe and secured again. Just like the rest of the girls. I am hysterical when it comes to my ponies… The sunlight, the heat, the moist… It’s a religion, really. Or, at least an obsession.

A real expensive one. Almost as expensive as owning real horses, if you do not limit yourself. I have bought real horses cheaper than Mimic…

But look at them. How is that now making you smile? How is this not just pure joy?


Posted in Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Random Weirdness

First of all; thank you, all of you, who supported my Starstone Weekend! You guys rock!

Second, my books are on Goodreads. I did not even know of that page, I am ashamed to admit, but one of my friends alerted me to it, so I asked to be verified as the author. Have patience with me, I’ll figure that page out in time…


Third, I’ve been at an X Wing tournament all day yesterday, and the horses has been pretty sick and miserable since they  got their vaccinations, so I haven’t had much to write about. Or well, I could write about the tournament, but I am not going to. Let’s just say that it started out with an hours delay, and while we waited, my spacers started to scatter and hide…


I know, lousy tabletop humor. Apologies.

Escaping the tournament just before sunset, my phone was on power save mode, running low on battery, since I may have spent every break I had all day Tweeting with some of my SPN friends… Note to self, bring a charger next time….

Still, I managed to force a few late night pictures out of the battery…


She ain’t a cyborg. Nothing to see here. Move along.


Oh… Okay so maybe there is something dodgy about them after all…

Okay, enough with #TeamBadJokes, I promise. Truth is, Apocalipse and Tardis has been real sick from the vaccinations. I was not surprised about Apocalipse, it always gets to him, and to some extend, Saleem, but Tardis is usually pretty darn tough. This time it completely knocked her out. It’s been five days and she is still touchy about having her skin touched. Apocalipse is still not eating properly. I swear I hate doing this to them every year.

My two little ones have been the ones to handle it the best. My unicorn and I are even becoming pretty good friends, as long as no one is looking. She has no idea what a camera is.


Tardis is ridiculously aware of the camera at all times. Apocalipse just wants to kill that phone of mine… When ever he acts up and runs away from getting groomed, for instance, all I have to do is pick up the phone and start scrolling on twitter. He instantly joins up. I know, horsemanship for cheaters.

Me; “You come back here, I am not chasing you to be allowed to groom you!”

Apocalipse; “Well, yes you are. Make me come back. I have patience. You don’t. I can stand here forever. I’ll just pretend to go to sleep, while ignoring you…. Wait, is that your phone? Are you not focusing on me? Human! I demand your attention!”

Me; “Hello there, I knew you’d come back… Care for some grooming?”

Apocalipse; “Darn…”


To be fair, I haven’t groomed him while he has been sick. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can feel fever on their skin. Not because they get hot to touch, but because they get… off… Their skin is so sensitive, and there is something wrong with the way it responds to touch when they are sick.

And I have had Poseidon, whom I couldn’t always use a thermometer on, for 15 years, and Apollon who got so many fever attacks in his 13 years, I am hardly ever in doubt, from the first touch. It is one of the worst feelings, patting your horse randomly on the neck and it’s just… sick under your hand. I get Vietnam flashbacks to all my nights in a sleeping bag with Apollon, every time my horse feels like that…

I know, I bitch about the vaccinations every year. Honestly, I bitch about them to my vets too, and they promise that they take my complaints to the producers of the vaccinations… Who in turn, states that it is perfectly normal and that this is the reason why horses can’t compete 10 days after getting their yearly vaccinations.

10 days. But you can ride them again the day after, if they show no symptoms. Right. Never, fucking, ever. I wish I dared not vaccinate them, but as much as I hate this once a year, I am too terrified of losing them to tetanus and influenza, even if the continued vaccinations are debatable when it comes to their health…

Okay, rant over. I’ll be good.


Like my unicorn. We’ll help make the world weird again. That’s a slogan we can get behind.

WP_20160418_030d                              WP_20160418_016

I know, you don’t see us like this, much. She really is good, most days. As long as it is just the two of us. She hardly ever threatens to remove that ugly face of mine with her teeth anymore…

Posted in Horses | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment