Music was always very important to me. Some of the first music I really loved was The Doors, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. I realize that they were in part, my mothers influence. The first band I found on my very own, was HIM. Which of course, led to a lot of other Finnish bands, like The Rasmus, The 69 Eyes, and Negative. But HIM was always special to me.
I’m not entirely sure why. I mean, I saw them live once, as well as The 69 Eyes and The Rasmus, and I gotta say, HIM doesn’t hold a candle to the others, as a live band. (I know, I can feel the guns lock and load here, sorry.) Still, I “found” HIM in 1999, when I was just a teenager, and going through a very tough time, trying to find out who I was, what my place in life was, what I was good at, and most importantly, desperately fighting to save my severely abused horse, Poseidon’s life. I am honestly not sure I would have pulled through those years, if it had not been for HIM.
It may sound dramatic to say, but in the equestrian world, as the teenage girl with the crazy horse, you are utterly alone. Hell, in the equestrian world, as the girl with the top competitive horses, you are still alone, as one of my friends proved, by hanging herself at a young age. I guess I found a sanctuary in music in general, but especially in HIM, because of their lyrics.
One of the first reasons why I learned to operate a computer, and go online, while we were still dialing up for connection, was so I could stalk HIM’s website, Heartagram.com. That was back when it was an awesome place where fans shared pictures and stories. I even had a picture of Apollon and me, wearing the heartagram on our saddle pad at a competition, on the page for a long time.
I remember when they released Dark Light, and we still had the slowest internet connection. They redid the entire page, and my computer simply could not load it anymore. That was a terrible time. As much as I loved the music, Heartagram was a second home to many of us.
I guess that what I’m saying is, that I’ve followed these guys religiously for most of my adult life. Not in a creepy stalker kind of way, not much at least, but I’ve soaked up every little bit of information about them there has been released online. Yes, I tend to obsess.
With the change in record companies, the band lost the Heartagram.com page, which effectively killed it. I don’t think it has been updated for two years now, but then we have face book and twitter and you know… We make do, gathering in groups from all over the world, sharing news among ourselves, even creating street teams of our own.
The band hasn’t released a CD since 2013, around the time Ablaze was born, that’s why I remember, and I guess that it is not a huge surprise, with the recent loss of their drummer, that they are announcing their break up now, but still. A small part of me was hoping they would just become a studio band, releasing a CD once in a while…
Instead, they are going on a last tour this year. I am pretty torn about that. On one hand, I want to go see them one more time, and on the other, I really don’t. I can’t imagine it not being horribly sad. This is not a band I want to say goodbye to. Not ever. And truth is, I don’t have to. I’ll always have their music. They just won’t make anything new anymore. And I guess that is okay too.
It has taken me a while to write this, because on one hand it hit me kind of hard, losing hope that they would ever release a “Love Metal Archives Vol 2,” for instance… And on the other, I guess it is the best for the band members, which we have sorta known for a long time.
So this is not goodbye, not really. This is not letting go. This is just accepting change, and holding on to the great music they have already given us. With a little luck, there’ll be more in the future, even if it won’t be labeled “HIM” anymore. Their guitar player already released two solo albums as Daniel Lioneye. So, who knows.
I’m struggling here, to find the perfect HIM song to end this post with, because truth be told, they are all awesome, and so many of them comes to mind. Being unable to choose, I’ll just post the song that I came across one morning in 1999, on MTV, at 3 am, as I was getting ready for my paper route. The song that changed my life forever and introduced me to a world of wonderful music and Finnish bands. Not to mention, introduced me to my amazing HIM’ster friends, who by now, are closer to me than most of my family.
Join Me In Death.
Thank you guys. Sincerely. Thank you for everything. Best of luck in the future.
And you know what, that is unfair, because that song was before Burton, so, I’ll have to post this one as well. Just cause. I wish I had a box like that 😛
I guess I do. It’s called youtube. *Sigh*
Oh, wow. I thought I could be an adult about this. I’ll miss you guys. I really, really will.
And I take it back, the http://heartagram.com/ page has been updated, to fit the final tour dates. That kinda makes it extra sad somehow. *Sobbing*