Copenhagen Pride

I convinced one of my friends to go with me to Copenhagen Pride this year. At first she was all “hell no, I’m too shy,” but before I knew it, she was really into it and planning when and how and where, so all I had to do was sit back and follow her.

That turned out to be a good thing, because I gotta admit, so soon after Gishwhes, I am kind of reaching my “people” limit. I can feel my head imploding every time I have to deal with people these days, and I will probably have to disappear for a while at some point, to reset me. You know, well… I’ve done that before. Anyway. The point is, I would not have gone to pride if it hadn’t been for my friend.

With the recent terror attacks, I did consider the risk of going as well. What if some jackass were to drive a car through the crowd? What if I was kissing my horses goodbye for the last time that morning?

And I knew, the second I thought that, that this was why I was going. Because fuck you world, I will not live my life in fear. If I do, those who hate me have already won. I guess I found that one thing I will still fight for. My right to be exactly who I am.

I will say, there was a lot of police at the parade, and I mean a LOT. The open space where the show was, after the parade, was almost completely blocked off by armed cars. I don’t think a lot of people noticed though. I look at the strangest things. Also, I always had a problem with authorities, so it felt kind of strange that the police was there, protecting me all of a sudden…

I do feel ambivalent about the whole thing, to be honest. The police, the parade, the show. I know I am in an over thinking things kind of mode these days, but still.

Okay, so the parade was super great. I love seeing the people spending an entire day walking the streets of Copenhagen, dressed up and having fun.

I loved seeing how many political parties were there, (even if some of them felt kind of forced,) and how many sponsored wagons showed up.

I know that support is a good thing, and that companies and political parties openly supporting LGBT rights is good, but there is still a part of me that feels that they are just riding the latest trend. “It’s hip, these days, to support the gays. Let’s do it, this one week a year, right?”

I don’t know. Shut up, Veronica. It was great. Don’t question everything.

Loved this girl, BTW…

We walked with the parade for a while, and my friend actually said that she was up for going next year, either for our political party, or Amnesty International. I think that could be pretty cool, and also give us a reason to be there, other than to just be on display as part of a freak show.

Like I said, I feel sorta strange about the parade. I love how people get to dress up and do whatever the fuck they want for a day, but I am not sure I love how they, we, are displayed as animals in a circus, with tons of people staring and taking pictures. Me, with my Rainbow Dash hair, I had almost every photographer we came by, take a picture of me, and I don’t mind. Knock yourself out, really.

But… The whole point of this LGBT rights thing is… That we are just people, right? No matter who we love or how we dress, we are humans, like everyone else. Right?

I even heard one of the girls tell one of the guys that on this one day, he wasn’t a freak, and this was how it should be everyday, right?

I know that she meant well, but I could feel myself dying inside when she said it, because… Is that how he sees himself? As a freak?

Isn’t the parade kind of feeding that notion, then? I don’t know. I guess I’m an expert at finding negative sides to everything. Never mind. Moving on. Maybe.

Now, the girl I went with, was one of the girls from my Gishwhes team. We actually don’t know each other that well. We have met like, 4 times, for Gishwhes, and other than that, we have only talked to each other on twitter, even though we live pretty close to each other.

We met one of the zumba instructors from my gym, and his friend, on the train station on the way to Copenhagen, and ended up tagging along with them, meeting one of the girls from his zumba class and her friend, once we got there.

My Gishwhes buddy met up with another SPN friend at the parade, and I even convinced my sister to join us for a brief moment, since she lives in Copenhagen. All in all, I spent most of the day hanging out with 7 people, none of whom I really know at all. (My sestra and I have met maybe 10 times tops. Long story.)

I guess its pretty easy to take these kinds of pictures, and don’t get me wrong, I like all these guys, and it was super great going with them, sharing this moment in history with them, and it didn’t hit me until my friend said to me that “you know everybody!”

But I…. Don’t? I don’t know any of you, really? And I am choosing that, aren’t I? I could have asked anyone to go with me to pride, why did I pick a girl I’ve met 4 times?

Because I knew she would have fun and that she wouldn’t go unless I asked her? Maybe. Because I wanted to get to know her better? Perhaps. Because I feel safe, when people don’t know me?

………….

I guess sometimes you have to look at your own reflection in an empty train, late at night and wonder about the choices you make.

And the truth is, the very few people who do know me, or at least, know me better than these guys, would not have gone to pride with me, because they have kids by now, and grown up lives, and here I am… Taking pictures of people taking selfies at pride… On my cell phone, because my camera died, so I don’t even have the “photographer” excuse.

Gotta love his shirt, right? Although that horse looks pretty much like Ablaze… 😛

And the best part of the trip was still when a little girl on the train recognized my hair and called me Rainbow Dash. That’s right, I’m never growing up. My Little Ponies rock.

Just accept your weird, Veronica. That is what Pride is all about, isn’t it?

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Gishwhes 2017 Team Dandelions

I almost wrote a thousand posts during Gishwhes, about how amazing my team was, but I never quite found the time, because whenever I thought I had half an hour to sit down and write, it turned out I was wrong, and I had to cover something in glitter or theater blood instead. But, here goes, at long last.

I was lucky enough to have a super engaged team this year, all of them amazingly creative and bold, which made it super inspiring to be their team captain. I got to meet 14 people, some of who I knew a little, some I didn’t know at all, (except for brief twitter encounters,) and a few I have known for a while. But even those I knew a little better than the others, showed me new sides of themselves.

Let me start with our group shot. We had to pretend to be abducted by aliens, and displayed in their zoo. So we had to take a zoo picture of ourselves, and write a word describing what made us special. I have to say, that was a tough one. Why would anyone want to display me in their zoo? For my brilliant mind? I think not. I even asked about it on face book, and found that people were very hesitant to answer. Only after I took the picture, did one of my friends (almost) call me a mutant. He was clearly afraid of offending me, but I was kicking myself for not putting that on the sign, the second he said that… Anyway, I felt my team wondering how to solve the task, and since I needed a picture from all of them before the week was over, I figured I’d do something wild and make them seem less crazy.

It worked like a charm. They all jumped on it and I got the best alien zoo group picture I could have dreamed off. Team Dandelions, everyone;

I was super happy to see my long-time-online friend, Jen, sign up for my team this year, and watching her and her kid(s) participate has made me smile more than she will ever know. They have never watched a single episode of Supernatural and they had no idea who Misha was, but they were super ready to be crazy with me.

Since this was the last Gishwhes (as-we-know-it,) I knew that we had to do the Kale headdress. It may sound silly, but kale has been a huge part of Gishwhes, and when no one signed up for doing it, I did. I could not imagine our team not doing the kale item this year.

It turned out to be very difficult to find kale in Denmark this time of year, though. Every shop I went to, had it chopped up and frozen, but I needed a whole leaf. In the end I asked, desperately, online if anyone could get their hands on a leaf of kale. Jen stepped up and promised to look. She lives in the US, so chances were that she might succeed, where I had failed.

(Side note. The things I ended up asking for, online… Anyone know what to use instead of huge quantities of lube? Anyone have a bee costume? Or a donkey I can borrow? How about a Chupacabra I can adopt? No? How about a Wonder Woman outfit?)

As luck would have it, one of my danish team mates found a glorious leaf of kale and I forced my cat to play a part in my Egyptian inspired headdress. Around the same time as I took the picture, Jen wrote and said that she had found some kale as well. I was jumping for joy, because that meant we could both do it.

I have known Jen for 7 years, and never met her. We have followed each other’s lives through our blogs for so long, she feels like one of my best buddies by now. So I am more than happy to start this years Gishwhes post with our kale art picture;

She even had a matching cat, so here we are, continents apart, but united through gishwhes and kale.

Another thing I adored about this years hunt was watching one of my more shy friends play with me. She was so ON this game, so brave, so ready to be crazy, her happiness alone has made me smile all week. We had her daughter dress up as a wood nymph and play flute in an elevator; (because Misha…)

 

She solved a ton of tasks on her own, and even wrote the description on some of them while uploading them herself, which is huge, because she always seem to think that she can’t write in English. So just watching her do that, had me silently firing my Pinkie Pie Party canon.

And when I asked for help to do the tree hugger item, she instantly volunteered her entire family.

One of the girls from the team I was on last year, who signed up again this year, drove a long way for this, so I figured that since she did that, we should do something more than just hug a tree. I mean, we have been gishing together for two years and she had a two hour drive to meet us, it felt a little anticlimactic to have her do that and be done in two seconds, so I asked if they were up for doing the Vampire vs Zombie World War II with nerf guns as well. They all said yes, and my shy friend managed to destroy clothes for her and her kids, and be the most awesome zombies, in the middle of a public forest.

My uncle joined us for this event, as well. I met him last year, having been estranged from my fathers side of the family all my life. I think he mostly signed up for Gishwhes to get to know me, but I was very impressed by how into it he actually was. He did a lot of great items on his own as well, and I gotta say, he made a good zombie, considering that my friends kids kept shooting him instead of the vamps. You know what they say… Friendly fire… Isn’t…

Anyway, here goes;

You will notice that we did not have any nerf guns and we will probably lose points over that, but I couldn’t care less. We had so much fun using soft guns, super soakers and even a plastic cross bow, and the whole point of Gishwhes is exactly this. Pushing the limits for what you are willing and able to do, and having tons of fun while doing it.

I just love how into it the kids were as well. The little girl in the dress is usually super shy and quiet, but she kept acting her part and she had such a great time. I loved seeing that. And she kept tripping over my uncle, forgetting that he wasn’t exactly buried, only covered in leaves…

And yes, the vamps were greatly outnumbered, so we lost in the end. I had actually convinced one more of my friends to play with us, but he couldn’t make it at the last second. I totally blame our loss on that… One more man and we would have so gotten those zombies…

I have to share the “Chucks Vamps” outtake, of Signe, Vivi and me. Having been gishing together two years in a row now, they feel like family, even if we only met Vivi this once.

Of course, Signe and I got married last year, so I guess she is family… 😛 Which made this our anniversary, and when the other team captains started talking about spamming Misha with pictures of us eating without utensils, (according to this years commandments,) Signe and I instantly knew we had to do a Lady and Tramp shot.

We had a lot of trouble finding the cover for the table, until I accidentally asked one of my Disney nerd friends if she would come by and be the photographer, because my boyfriend was conveniently stuck at work all week, and she had the perfect set up for the shoot. Noted. If I ever need anything Disney, I’ll just ask her. So, Lady and the Tramp, vegan style.

You may have noticed that my head is shaved by now. Yeah. That was another item. Shave Gishwhes into the back of your head or into thick chest hair. My shy friend instantly said she would do it, she even asked her husband if we could borrow his chest, but he was not playing, (buuuh) so, well… I kind of thought it could be fun.

It worked out pretty well and her daughter was kind enough to kill me afterwards… I will say, I have explained Gishwhes to so many people by now, I am getting a little sick of it. But is has been a fun experiment to see how people react. Some ask, some ignores it, some have to touch it, and some laugh.

Anyway, sticking to my uncle for a second, I was going over the item list at the end of the hunt, wondering what else I could pull off at the last minute, and I picked up on the “bond with your Chupacabra” item. As much as I relate to being called a mutant, I relate even more to being a monster, so I texted him and asked if I could eat him? He instantly said yes.

By then, my trusted Canon Eos had died a horrible death to glitter and blood, so we had to do the pictures on my phone. *Sob, my camera*

But my uncle and his wife and their youngest daughter came by. We had actually talked about feeding the child to the Chupacabra, as a bonding moment, but when she saw her strange new cousin, (remember we met last year,) covered in purple lipstick, she was so not playing. Clearly some kids are raised to be monsters and some aren’t… This one was not, so we decided that a nice bonding moment could be going on a road trip. Right?

This is hands down, the best family photo I have. Anyone willing to do this with me, and have this look on his face, is a superstar.

I feel like I have been photo shopping all week. I know I can do that easily, so when no one else picked up on those items, I did. Like, Stormtroopers for peace…

And the “My daughter saw a moon fairy last night. Take a picture of one, using long exposure time and movable lights,” item. I am a photographer, that was the kind of item I could do in two seconds. (No Photoshop involved.)

That’s a lie. I think I had the shutter speed at at least 35 seconds… Still…

And then I realized that one of the girls from my team had picked up on the item, and was having so much fun shooting pictures this way, that I instantly asked if she wanted to do it. Watching her, it felt like she was rediscovering what art and creation was, by doing this. She was so happy and so inspired. Exactly what Gishwhes is all about. Rediscovering your creative sides.

This was not being creative for me. This was work. I’ve been doing this for years. Her pictures was something new, something fragile and exploring. I loved seeing that.

When I posted my picture, after the hunt, she said that it was better than hers. I will say this again. NO, it is not. It is just different. Art depends on the eyes that see. And for me, my picture was technically good, because I understand my (RIP) camera, but hers were art, because they were pure creation.

I, of course, managed to get My Little Ponies into Gishwhes this year. Wup wup. I did an item that said that I should hand paint little rocks with optimistic messages on them and leave them places where people would need a “pick me up.” I loved the metal purple so much that I had to make a matching pony.

I know, spending a whole evening, putting hair on a pony, during Gishwhes, when it was not an item, was kind of a waste of time, but it felt right for me. I’ll have this pony with me for the rest of my life, reminding me of the last Gishwhes.

And then there was the “what do your toys get up to while you sleep” item. Well… My ponies sure don’t like the doll… And not my fault they cooked the kale…

The escape room drove me insane. First of all, I kept wasting time, clicking on the porn.. I mean, the fan art. *Cough* And I kept buying kale and the pokeball… Even when I realized that I had to NOT do that, and when I understood that I AM A WRASSE, I saw no way out. I am so happy they left the page up after Gishwhes closed, and I got to actually escape. It would have gnawed at me forever, having failed that.

There was an animal yoga item as well. One of my team members did a great job at that with a chicken and a pig, and I truly applaud her patience and commitment. I just had to try with Tardis. Again, this is not new for me, I have been training horses like this all my life. Touching them, making them trust me to crawl on them like this, so they would not kill their owners when I handed them back. I have done this with every single one of the horses I have ever worked with in my life, except… Except the 5 I have now. They are hardly broken in. Tardis was ridden a little, last year, before she was diagnosed with Cushings. Since then, I have not done much with any of them.

I had to try, though. This was what I was good at, once upon a time. This used to be who I am.

I love this pony, and her son. I can’t believe she let me do that. She is amazing. And you will notice how she looks at my shoes. She hates that they are white. That is actually why I don’t take them off. She would have spooked over that…

During Gishwhes, I quit playing Pokemon Go, even though this week was the week of my team’s legendary bird. I quit Dragon Mania Legends. It’s even been days since I opened the My Little Pony game. Something inside me changed. Maybe I got sick of seeing the world through the screen of my phone. I don’t know. I just know that even now, I don’t feel like going back. I have loved these games, but I really don’t care anymore. So what if I don’t get Zapdos, or activate my pony gem stores every 3 hours? Is that really what my life is about?

As much as I have loved watching my team break the boundaries for what they dared to do, and discover the arts of creation, or just simply have fun, I guess I learned a lot too.

I loved being the team captain. I loved not sleeping (much) for a week, always stepping in with positive comments and ideas. I loved everything about this years Gishwhes, and once again, my team was amazing.

If that makes me a mutant, or a monster, or simply a ring leader of crazy, then so be it. I will forever be grateful to Misha for letting us have Gishwhes. I would not have been without it. And I will keep my fingers crossed that he will create something else for us. This is the best week of the year. I am counting on you, Misha. Don’t let us down. We need you, to remember who we are, or who we want to be.

Thank you. Just, thank you.

Don’t let this be the last sunset on this amazing thing that is Gishwhes. Let it rise again, somehow. Please.

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Friendship Is Magic

So, I was poke-hunting today, with one of my oldest friends and her daughter. FYI, I am a horrible person to have around your kid. Even if I try my very best, I will keep using phrases like “I’m so screwed,” or “fuck off” all the time. The second I say it, I realize how wrong that is of me, since my friend is trying to teach her daughter not to, but oh my… I guess I should clean up my act in general. Hanging with a kid really makes you see yourself in a new light.

Also, I am pretty dangerous to play Pokemon Go with, because I forget to look up when I cross the street, or to stop at red lights… Again, not the best thing to learn a kid. Sometimes I have no idea why my friend lets me hang around her daughter.

But, that is not what this post is about. No, I guess it is about friendship. It is such a weird thing. I guess it really is magic…

As we were driving home today, we spoke off a house on the road, where a family was murdered back in the 1970ties, by an ax murderer who was never found. As we were both slightly enthralled by the story of the house, we instantly agreed that we would not want to live there. And not because we were afraid of some maniac with an ax.

No, we both thought of the vengeful spirits in that house.

That is one of those funny moments, where you look at your friend and think, “she is just as crazy as me,” and somehow you realize why she is your best buddy. Not because she lets me hang around her kid, or because we have known each other for 20 years, or because we play music and pokemon together. Not because she is the one I can call late at night and ask to sew me a costume for gishwhes, or because she always respected that my horses were my babies. No, this one is my friend because we just think alike.

I don’t come across a lot of those moments, usually I keep people at a distance somewhat, but this was absolutely a moment for me, that defines who we are and why we have stuck with each other for 20 years.

I guess that was the one good thing that came out of my brief time in the school system. I got to know her. Even if it took me 20 years to realize just how special she is to me, and why. It is the funniest things that suddenly makes you see things clearly.

And maybe I should tell her, instead of writing about her here, but that is not who I am, and hell… she knows.

Damn it, Veronica, don’t say hell. Or damn it.

Damn it. I’ll go away now.

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13th Doctor

I should not touch this with a stick. I should know better. This is dangerous territory.

Let me start by saying that I am 100% behind equality for everyone, be it male, female, gay, straight, and yes, I am vegan too, because animals and their rights matter as much to me as humans. We are all just trying to find our own little piece of happiness, within the time we are given on this earth.

When I first heard someone mention the idea of a female doctor, I did not flinch, because, why not? Who cares about his gender, as long as he is the same character. I actually think it was one of my favorite writers who opened the door on that one, in “the doctors wife” where one of the other Time Lords is described as having regenerated as male and female over the years, if I remember correctly.

I never thought much of it,  because why not? This is a SciFi show, the show runner and the writers set the rules, and what difference would it make if the doctor was female? Really?

I will admit, I have not seen any episodes with the 12th doctor. Not because I think he is too old, (I looooooved him in Torchwood,) but simply because while watching the 11th doctor, I felt like I was watching the greatest show hit an iceberg and sink and there was nothing I could do about it.

The show runners and writers set the rules.

While Russel T. Davis was running Doctor Who, and Torchwood, it was sharp, it was heartbreaking, it was beautiful and most importantly, it was self -consistent. It always stayed true to its own universe.

Since Moffat took over, it has been declining, hell, he even tended to forget how his own monsters worked, and he managed to make Amy and Rory the real main characters in the show, while the Doctor became the funny sidekick.

I could not bear to watch that, so I quit. But I did keep up with how the show was doing, on social media. And it is very hard to miss that now, the doctor is finally to regenerate as a female. Still not ginger, though…

As this is coming right after his new companion  is a very politically correct, LGBT girl, I will admit, my insides are turning at the thought of what this will do to the show. It feels so awkward, so forced, so politicized, I cannot really feel happy about it.

I wish for the show, that the gender of the doctor will not matter. I wish that there will be no more romance between the female doctor and her new companion, than there ever was with the old ones. The Doctor is, before anything else, asexual. He is a Time Lord, traveling with a human. He is not that interested, or if he is, he is too scared, because he knows he will lose the companion in the end, while he lives forever. That is part of the beauty of the show.

Now, I loved Torchwood, I adore Jack, and I love that he gets to be omnisexual. I love that he is dating Ianto, and that their relationship is not a story point. It gets so tiresome when you have to force gay relationships to be a story point, to prove that you support them. I think that is what I loved the most with Jack and Ianto. They were just a couple, and even if Ianto was struggling with it a bit, and even if Jack was heartbroken to lose him, their relationship was never the selling point of the show. It was just there, as natural as any straight relationship on a TV show might have been.

Like I loved Charlie in Supernatural, and that she got to be gay, and it had absolutely no impact on her character at all. She could have been written straight as well, and she would have been the same person, because guess what… Its not sexuality that defines who you are as a person. Very few script writers seem to get that.

My boyfriend was wondering if they were just going to continue the show now, with a female doctor and a male companion, and nothing would have changed. It never even occurred to him that the gay companion was going to be a story point now. I hope she is not. I hope they manage to write this show without pressing the point of gender roles and sexuality. I hope they can write the doctor, so that his personality will not change at all, despite his new body, because it should not.

He is still the same person, even if he is a woman now. Nothing should change, right?

While I hope this, I know it is a vain hope, because lately, the writers let him change with each new regeneration. He even started calling himself “11” when Matt was the Doctor, as if he was counting how many persons he had been. That is so wrong, in my world, I can’t even… He should not think of himself that way at all. No matter the body, he should be the same person.

I know I should be cheering. I know it should feel like a win for feminism and LGBT rights. So, why doesn’t it?

Why does it feel so forced?

Perhaps that is just me. I know that I don’t envy Jodie her role as the first female doctor, and I think she is amazingly brave to accept the job. All the best, I hope this show becomes awesome again, I hope she gets some great script writers and a show runner who will stay true to the universe. I really, really hope this will be glorious. I might even give the show another chance now.

Not because of the female doctor, but because it has a new show runner. I was always in it for the story and I never quite gave up on that it could somehow become great again. Fingers crossed.

That said, the more I see posts on social media about how stupid people are when they can’t accept a female doctor, the more tired I become. The more it needs to be said, the more we are highlighting that there actually IS a huge equality problem in our society. Women are not equal to men, not even close. We can’t even play the same character as a man on a fictional show, without causing drama, splitting the internet in two. Those cheering, thinking that its a win, and those crying that the show is ruined because the doctor does not have a penis anymore.

Really, it is not his genitals that ruined the show…

Still, I came across this tweet today, and I have to say, that is perfect.

Anyone of you ever tried googling My Little Pony?  Don’t. It’s not just little girls who gets scared, trust me. When you can’t google a children’s franchise without having hard core porn or graphic serial killer novels thrown in your face, we do have a problem, but it really isn’t about gender or sexuality. That is the least of our worries in the My Little Pony fandom…

Long story short, I am not cheering because we have a female doctor now, because it simply is not a bit deal. If we had equality, it would not be a big deal. The doctor’s gender should not matter. The fact that it does, both for those cheering and for those bitching, just proves more and more, that we are not equal. Not even a little bit.

Maybe this is a step in the right direction. Maybe it is not. Time will tell, I guess.

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As Long As It’s Blue

Things has been changing around here lately. Most importantly; the boyfriend got a new job, one that actually ensures a steady income, instead of the Dark Mare Movie business. That has been kind of scary for me, while Dark Mare was our main income, because we never really knew where the next paycheck would come from.

That said, this new job is pretty far away, and since we just moved, and we love our new place, and I cannot handle moving the horses, he will have to drive the distance. Which means, he will need a car.

Let me start by saying, I know nothing of cars. I don’t even have a drivers licence. As long as he can afford it, and still help pay the vet bills and the hay, I could not care less what he buys.

I can’t really say that, though, because then he’ll just buy a motorbike, and I cannot handle that. The thought of having him drive an hour and a half every day, on the freeway, on a motorbike, in all kinds of weather, is making me instantly want to cry. I would be terrified every morning when he left, and I would always wonder if today was the day he did not come home.

I get that it is hypocritical of me, since motorbikes are no more dangerous than, say, horses, especially the kind of horses I have been working with for most of our relationship, but I just can’t wrap my mind around the idea of having him on a bike on the freeway.

So we are back on buying a car. His next idea was, of course, a sports car. You know, a fast little two- seat, yeah?

I’m an equestrian. I really see no use for a car you cannot stuff with hay or horse-food. All in all, I want a trunk, or at least a f**** back seat. I mean, come on, is that so much to ask for?

He does make a compelling argument, though, because we have our hay delivered, and the horses doesn’t really get food besides the hay these days, but still. What if?

Besides, if we want to continue with Dark Mare once in a while, won’t a back seat be nice?

We have been discussing this for a while now. I really think I’m an awesome girlfriend; he gets to pick the car, as long as it has a back seat… And it’s blue. Anything else, he can choose. How nice of me is that?

Yeah, the color is another thing. He should not be surprised, though. Everything with me is electric blue, always has been. And most of the cars he has been looking at actually come in a metallic electric blue. I’d almost let him have a sports car, as long as it is that color…

Almost.

But he really isn’t a fan of blue for a car, especially not something as aggressive as my kind of blue…

Who would have thought that picking a car, with a girlfriend who had no interest in cars at all, would be such trouble? Poor guy…

I will admit that there is one more reason for me wanting a back seat. Just a tiny one.

I never wanted kids, and he was always okay with that. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure he was happy not to have that kind of responsibility. I just can’t help but wonder what my life looks like in a year or two from now.

We have more or less decided that we don’t want any more horses. The 5 we have now are probably the last. I may buy a pony in the end, to keep who ever outlives the others company, because once the pony becomes alone, it is much easier finding a good place for a pony, than for an old horse.

I am letting go of a lot of things these days, walking away from a huge part of who I used to be. A car is going to be a choice that follows us for the next 6-8 years. As long as I am not a 100% certain of who I am going to be next year, I really don’t think that buying something without a back seat, is a good idea.

Truth is, we probably won’t have kids. I really, really, really don’t want to be pregnant. That is mostly my issue, though. I wouldn’t mind having a kid. But carrying it… brr… Still, buying a sports car now, feels like closing a door I am not entirely sure I want closed.

In the middle of actually having to discuss kids and cars and grown up stuff with the boyfriend, Jussi (the cat) came home with an infection in his tongue. Yeah… So, he has been fighting a lot since we moved, with the local cats, and either he bit himself, or one of them bit him in the tongue.

It may sound kind of funny, because seriously, of all the places to get bitten…

And I will admit, it took me half a day to realize how serious it was. I noticed that he would not eat, and that there was something looking suspiciously like infection foaming around his mouth from time to time, and when I opened his mouth, I saw the wound on the tongue.

I figured that it would heal, so I bought him some tuna, to make him eat something. Now, I’m vegan, and I had to hand feed him little pieces of dead fish, while trying not to throw up. I swear, my entire kitchen smells like death now. I despise that. But I guess my cat is more important, after all.

It wasn’t until I was at the stable later that it hit me. He won’t eat, because he won’t use his tongue to lick up the food off the plate. Which is why he would eat, when I stuffed it into his mouth.

How do cats drink, Veronica? Like humans and horses? No. They lick it up.

They lick it up.

If he was not using his tongue, he was dehydrating fast, and I was an idiot for not realizing that.

So, now Jussi is on antibiotics and I (force) feed him water as well. Why would I ever want kids? 5 horses and a handful of cats seems like enough trouble, doesn’t it? There is always someone who is sick, or who gets too little attention and I hardly ever have time to sit down and write as it is.

Adding to my scattered mind these days, Misha just announced that this year will be the last Gishwhes. I always knew that it wouldn’t last forever, but somehow, I am not ready for letting it go just yet. The world needs more crazy. More creative people, dedicating a week a year for doing charity and shaking things up. Even though I got an email from “Misha” a couple of days ago, telling me that it was over, it didn’t really hit me until I saw his video on instagram. Somehow, hearing him say it out loud that this was the last year, really got to me. I was actually crying as I watched it.

How dumb is that. I should not have kids, like ever. There is no way I’d handle that.

Nah. I should probably let the boyfriend buy that damn sports car… As long as it’s blue, right?

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Pokemon Go Update Review

I’m gonna bother all of you with a review of the gym-update in Pokemon Go. Yes, I still play. I was never one to let go of an obsession easily.

Before the update, I had truly lost interest in the game. Having had a falling out with my local team, I was very much alone in the game, fighting not only the other teams, but especially my own team, which made it impossible for me to actually play the game, the way it was.

You see, the local team instinct were very good at bending the rules of the game, and especially at playing multi color accounts, making it very easy for them to make my life miserable when I asked them not to, well, be idiots. Perhaps I could have been more diplomatic about it, but long story short, they easily played me out of the game, because I asked them not to cheat.

With us moving, I didn’t care much, I just started fighting team mystic at my new area, but they surrendered way too easily, leaving me and my buddies the two gyms in my new neighborhood, nearly unopposed. Again, not much to play for.

I knew the update was coming, so I kept spinning a stop and catching a pokemon every day, so I wouldn’t lost my XP on day streaks, but that was about all I did. And I collected coins, of course.

When the update came and Trainer Club was offline for 30 hours on android, I nearly lost all interest in the game. It has been a year, and Trainer Club is still not working, where as people with Google accounts can always log in. I lost my precious “spin a stop and catch a pokemon” streak, which to me, is horrible. My obsessiveness cannot handle that.

My Trainer Club account is lvl 34 by now. I created a google account a while ago, in anger, when I was locked out again. That one is lvl 28 now. That is saying a lot about how often and how much PTC has been offline.

For all the updates, all the events, the one thing I’d really like them to fix is this. Do not let my game go off line all the time. It is driving me insane.

I even considered quitting my PTC account and just play on my google account, but… I can’t. My PTC account is my baby. We have been through so much. Rain, snow, freezing nights in the dark, battling, hunting, having fun, back when I played with the team. He got me through losing our beloved cat, Life. Whenever I was too sad, I’d turn on the game and just go. I don’t want to lose him. I want PTC to be fixed. Permanently.

Also, he is called Nahorim… I know. Naming him from the one character in my books, I adore the most… I had to. Nahorim is always with me. Now, as a pokemon trainer as well, however wrong that may sound.

Aside from that, I adore the new update.

The fact that you no longer train to support your team members, has removed the need to gym shave almost completely. Now, you might as well take down an enemy gym instead, because with only six spots in the gyms, it is very easy to defeat them and claim them for yourself. I am not seeing any gym shavers around here anymore, which is awesome.

The “first in, first attacked,” is really great as well, because it usually means that it is the people with the strong accounts who are attacked first in the gyms, leaving the smaller accounts to be safe a lot more than before.

Back with the old system, no children were playing the game anymore, because the game was owned by grown ups with multiple high level, and multiple color accounts.

Now, new players and children actually have a chance again, which I find to be awesome. My boyfriend is only lvl 29 and in the old game, he could never stay in a gym for long, where as now, he can be protected by me, and he won’t get shaved out. When he comes home, it is because the gym is defeated.

It makes it much more fair, in every possible way.

I know that a lot of people has been bitching about the new system for collecting coins, but I think it is brilliant. Back in the old game, we had gyms we held for 5 or 6 months at the time, and the only change would be if a gym shaver came by and kicked out the lowest level player. If one of those gyms went down, we would assemble at 3 in the night and reclaim them, easily discouraging the other teams from touching them, ever again.

Now, that won’t do us any good. Now, we HAVE to come home every day, or we won’t get any coins.

For me, living in a place with two gyms now, I could easily feed my pokemons berries ten times a day, and stay forever, and I could easily stop the other players from taking my gyms, because I did that in the past, simply by just being there at all times, at all hours of the day. But the game has changed. Now, I want them to get me. Now, I want them to have a fighting chance.

That is without doubt the best thing to have happened for Pokemon Go since the game was launched. You WANT the other teams to send you home, so the only game is that you want to be strong enough to stay for 11 hours, but not too strong, because they have to want to fight you. It makes the game much more dynamic, and much more fair. And it prevents a gang like my old team from holding 24 gyms for months at the time. Yes, we did that. Obsessively.

I know that people are angry that you can only earn 50 coins a day now, instead of the usual 100, but I kind of dig that too. I understand that it is taking a lot of time and effort to make a game like this and that most players play it for FREE without ever paying a dime, and still they think they have the right to bitch about how they are not getting as many free coins as they used to.

I don’t mind spending money on a good game. I will admit that I have spent a ton of money on the My Little Pony game, but I have supported Pokemon as well, especially when I think they have made a great update like this one. Someone has to pay for it. I don’t mind helping.

The raid battles is another great addition to the game. I have fought a lot of raids already, and while it might be frustrating to have isolated yourself from most of the local players, I have met a lot of other players lately, from all three teams, who I have fought side by side with and had a ton of fun with.

The raid battles takes away a lot of the animosity between the teams, and it allows for my team valor friend to actually play the game with me, as a friend, rather than an enemy, which is amazing. I really missed that in the old game.

I love that I can still raid battle on my own, so even if I have no friends to play with, I am not totally kicked out of the game, and I think it is completely fair that I cannot take down lvl 3 and 4 raids alone.

All in all, this update has got me playing again. It has made me smile again, made me love the game again and most importantly, it has made me feel like a ten year old boy, out to become the very best trainer the world has ever seen, again…

Thumbs up, Niantic. Really. This update rocks.

I only have one thing that is really, really killing the game for me. How my boyfriend and I cannot take down a gym and both of us get in afterwards.

I believe that you guys originally stated that it was a glitch, and I really hope it is, because waiting 10 minutes to enter a gym you just defeated is in every possible scenario, unacceptable.

I have spoken to some players who think that it is on purpose though, to keep players with multiple accounts from adding more than one account and if that is the case, it is ridiculous.

I have been told that if my boyfriend and I add our pokemons at the same time, we will both get in, without the waiting 10 minutes. I get how that would be bothersome for multiple account players, but it also defeats the “first in, first attacked” part of the game. It means that I cannot be sure that I am first in, and thus, that I cannot protect him, unless we want to wait 10 minutes to make sure to add him after me. While watching my battery burn down… and my boyfriend losing interest in the game, because it is dark and cold and raining, and fuck it, let’s just go home…

I love playing with him. I love the game. Please fix this.

I will say too, that as someone who has never spoofed, and who has walked every single km with my phone in my hand, at all hours of the day, in all kinds of weather, I reserve the right to play both my accounts.

If PTC had been working, I wouldn’t have made the google account, but as it is, I have been forced to spend almost as much time (and money,) on that account as on my main account, and I will never find it acceptable that I cannot get it into a gym I have just defeated without waiting 10 minutes. If Niantic doesn’t want multi account players, they should not make it an option to begin with. Now that it is, do not punish us for playing the game. If I had not created my google account, I would have quit the game back then, because PTC was too unreliable. I have been jumping through hoops to play this game, and I have done everything I possibly could to make myself keep loving it. Do not punish me for that.

Please fix that gym glitch. Please say that it is a glitch.

It is not just me. One of my friends has a child, who plays. Whenever she defeats a gym, she likes to add the child as well, so they both get a few coins. Now, she has to wait 10 minutes to do so. How is that fair?

Hell, the game even tells me to try a different account when PTC is down…

All the while, most of my old team, plays on two phones and a tablet, so they are not the ones waiting in the cold and the rain to add all their accounts. All this “glitch” does, is punish the poor players, who only have one phone.

That said, I still love the game, and being as obsessive as I am, I am waiting patiently for 10 minutes when I have taken a gym, so I can get my google account and my boyfriend in as well.

But while I wait, I close the game, and play My Little Pony or Dragon Mania Legends. Or roam around on face book and twitter. So all this does, it make me turn off the game. That can hardly be your point, can it, Niantic?

Still, LOVE the update, love how it got me back in the game, even without a team behind me, and love the dynamic gyms. Way, way better than before.

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Birthday

I was never one to celebrate my own birthday. Honestly, it always felt kinda weird. It’s not like I did anything special? I was just born. Maybe we should be celebrating my mom, she was the one who gave birth and all…

My sis and I used to say “congrats, you survived another year,” to each other. Back when we were both equestrians, and I worked with dangerous horses, that was actually quite an accomplishment, however morbid it may sound. We kinda stopped doing that after Janis killed herself. Somehow it didn’t feel that amusing anymore.

I guess that what I’m saying is that, I know it may sound strange, but I really don’t like celebrating my birthday. Somehow, the fact that I am alive, and she is not, is just… Off. My sis and I never talked about it. That is the thing with us. We never had to. We just stopped joking about surviving. And we more or less, quit the equestrian world.

My boyfriend and I recently moved house, and as I was packing up my old place I found a note that Janis had written to me when we were teenagers. It was so weird, to actually have something with her handwriting on it. I guess that future generations won’t have that, since everything is electronic these days. Text messages, twitter, face book. None of it is suddenly going to appear when you are packing your old life into boxes…

Okay, V. Enough. Not what this post is about.

Right. So, it’s my birthday. And Apollon’s. You know, my baby horse, who died 5 years ago. Jeeze, 5 years? Where did time go?

Clearly I am incapable of writing a happy post about myself, so I am grateful that I have friends, who never fails to say just what I should have said, if I did not disappear into my darkness. Love you ❤

And well, since it is my birthday, I’m gonna ask for all of you to check out my e-books on Amazon, because they are free to download for the next couple of days.

https://starstonestenfalk.wordpress.com/e-books/

Pretty, please?

The Starstone is dark fantasy, so heavy you can use it for working out…

I know. I would apologize for my lousy sense of humor. But, seriously though. Even my poetry collection, This Song, is super heavy. Don’t get fooled by its small size…

And yeah, I’m too fat, or too butch, to do pictures like these ones, but I don’t really care anymore. I guess that comes with age. I’m not here to impress anyone with my body.

I do, however, love to impress people with my crazy mind, so really, look up my books. The Starstone is my fantasy series, and The Legacy is a science/fantasy (sort of) squeal to the Starstone.

There is 5 books in the Starstone Series; The Hand of Fate, The Twins, The Crown Prince, The Unicorn’s Horn, and The Shadow of Time. It is adult literature all the way. But I guess that comes across pretty quickly…

hand of fate red front twins red front  crown prince red Cover Red Cover Red UK

The Legacy Series is also 5 books, but only 3 of them has been released so far; Rockstar, Time Lock, and Winterflame. Book 4, Torchlight, will be out sometime later this year.

IMG_1935 FRONT PINKsmall  IMG_1935 FRONT TIME LOCK final2   img_1935-front-winterflame

If this post didn’t scare you away, Surviving the Equestrian World, is not fiction. It is my life, with my horses, and yes, it is about my training methods as well, but you can easily read it, even if you are not an equestrian.

Cover Saleem

I know that I am holding the real books in the pictures, (honestly they were really heavy after a while…) and if you want them as paperback or hardcover, they can be found here;

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Kallikanzaros

They are not free though. The E-books are, right now. Go look up Veronica Merlin on Amazon. Now. Join the plastic generation.

No, seriously. Kindle is a great invention. And the books are the same, the words, the stories, are the same. Just free. Now. Go!

https://starstonestenfalk.wordpress.com/e-books/

this song  front lulu

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