Doctor Who The Snow Men

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The long awaited Christmas special. Wuhu. Or well, wait no… I don’t know where to begin. I don’t even know if I should write about this, because I find it impossibly hard not to say cruel things like “Someone should fire the script writer” and “why did no one notice and change all the mistakes and flaws in this set up?”

Oh well, let’s start with the obvious. Once again, the Doctor gets far too little screen time as opposed to the random strangers and the new sidekick. Once again the Doctor feels like a stranger, like an extra in the story of someone else. And in the end, when he does show up to save the world after all, he doesn’t…

Once again, the Doctor makes no difference whatsoever, and the entire problem solves itself or could have been solved (it was) by someone else, making the Doctor utterly useless and pointless in his own series. Fantastic. Why are no one bothered by this?

The story in itself makes very little sense as well, but since it is science fiction you expect to extend a bit of latitude. At least I do. Science fiction hardly ever makes perfect sense to me, but this one is an all time low.

I mean, the funny thing about it is the very cute snow men. Evil snowmen. That for some reason haunts the new companion of the Doctor, Clara. Only, the Doctor tells her how to get rid of them very quickly, “Just imagine them melting…” and just like that, they are no longer dangerous, just a bunch of woolen and utterly fake looking snowmen…

DOCTOR WHO SERIES 7

Clara was a good idea. I mean, I think it would have been really cool if the Doctor had met her, had got to know her and even like her, and if she had still ended up becoming a Dalek, quite possibly because of something the Doctor did. But no, clearly we are once again in the business of overwriting existing stories and timelines. In the Doctor Who universe that has always been a no-go, but not so much lately.

Of course we couldn’t leave this cute little girl to her cruel fate. No, not to worry, it never happened. One must wonder then, who saved the Doctor in the episode when they did meet her as a Dalek… But well, minor detail I guess…

The Doctor is a bit of an idiot really. He is sulking and deciding not to help save the world anymore, because he is pissed about missing Amy and Rory. Which makes absolutely no sense at all, because they are not dead, they are not locked in a parallel universe, they are not forced to forget… nothing… they are just living happily to the end of their days, and so there might be a bit of trouble with traveling with the Tardis to see them, but come on… he could work around that if he wanted.

And once he meets Clara he practically hands her the key to the Tardis right away, giving in and deciding that he do care for the world after all. Now here is where I was thinking, waiiiiiit a second.

First off, the Doctor does not just hand over the key to any random pretty girl, he usually travels with his companions for quite some time before he gets to trust them a little bit. After all, the Tardis is not a sports car or a house, it’s a time travel machine and it is highly dangerous in the wrong hands.

Second, what about River? In a sheer stroke of unimaginably horrible script writing, the Doctor married River, remember? Where is she? Why is she letting him park the Tardis in a cloud and sulk for ages? And why is he instantly flirting and kissing this new girl?

Now, I know, she kissed him, and he did try to escape it, like he always do, but… he is far too affectionate around her. He doesn’t know her. This is the Doctor. He does not go around kissing strangers on their foreheads and stuff like that. He did that to Amy and Rory after having traveled with them for centuries and even then did it feel a bit like a character breach for him. The fact that he is kissing Clara on her death bed, no matter how none sexual a kiss, is just wrong. That is not the Doctor.

Not to mention, she should not die…  Especially not the way she does. By falling off the cloud. One must wonder why the Doctor didn’t just catch her with the Tardis, like he has been known to do. And don’t say, he didn’t have the time. It’s a time machine. He could have had a cup of coffee first and still caught her. But no. He read the script. It said, don’t be yourself. Don’t use your strengths and do not under any circumstances act like a reasonable Time Lord.

I could go on. I won’t. I am trying to find a good thing about it though… there must be something to like…

Matt Smith is still cute. That counts right?

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And Clara could be a real cool companion if they did her story right, which I am fairly certain they won’t. But I like her much better than I ever liked Amy already, so that is good, right? The one thing that is really bugging me about Clara is that she clearly- just like Amy- have this ability to die and not stay dead.

No matter how you twist and turn it, that is just bad script writing. If you want to kill off your darlings, do it, but don’t resurrect them. That will only make all the emotions you had losing them seem in vain and make you hate them a little bit for putting you through that and once they are dying for the 666th time, like Amy and Rory, you end up whishing that they would just stay dead for a change. Die already. How hard can it be?

So yes, Clara could be a good companion, but I hate her already, for not dying when she should. And for not becoming a Dalek. And I have no idea how they are ever going to kill off Matt Smith when all of his mere human sidekicks seem to be immortal. How do you kill a Time Lord if you are such a horrible script writer that you can’t even get rid of a few of humans?

So, should you watch it? Well, yes. It is Doctor Who. And Matt Smith is cute. No, wait, I take that back. Matt Smith is cute and wearing a top hat. It’s not so much Doctor Who. In fact, it feels much more like a random children’s story, of a bitter old man who meets a pretty girl and falls in love. The pretty girls then dies, and by doing so, magically saves the world with her tears, (what the f****?) and the bitter old man is left searching for her, hoping to find her in another time and place. Wait, did I just sum up the entire episode in five lines? Shame on me… that seemed far too easy…

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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