I never thought it would be this sad, writing the end of the Starstone Series. Somehow I always thought I would be relieved once the story was written, told and done, once I could walk away and allow myself to be creative in other ways, write other, simpler stories, in other worlds or well… anything I want really. Work on my Natural Horsemanship book. Maybe even write songs again, on a more regular basis. The Starstone Series have taken up so much of my time and my mind over the last 14 years, that I really did believe that once I reached the end, I would be happy to walk away.
I am not. I have not written a word for two weeks now, until this night where I finally sat down and opened the document. Finishing up a chapter that effectively sets things in motion that will lead straight to the end of the series felt so horrifyingly sad. I can see the end now. I can see all the loose ends tying together before my eyes, all the storylines adding up and becoming a whole, a unit, a perfect picture of all the lives of my characters, and with every word I write I can feel myself being written out of the story, leaving this world of mine.
With every lose end I tie up, I can feel my world leaving me behind. My time in this world were always limited, I knew that, but it is quite a lot harder than I had thought it would be, to close it up and let it stand alone. Luckily, it can. I can feel this ending, coming at me, and I know exactly how grand it is going to be, how cruel, how sad, how loving, how… I always knew how it would end. But somehow I never thought I would get to write it.
A part of me always expected me to get seriously injured by one of my red horses, and never get around to finishing up the books. I think that is why I involved my sister as much as I did too. She doesn’t know how I want the story to end, how it does end, how it has always ended, but I always had faith that if I should not last long enough to write it, she would do it for me.
Now I sound a bit like a drama queen, I know, but growing up with Poseidon and Apollon, you had to take your percussions because tomorrow were not promised. I really want to tell their story as well, hopefully once I get to that, it will be a bit easier to understand how I could think like that.
But back to the last book in the Starstone Series. I am half way through it and provided that my frail mind- very frail at the moment, after losing Apollon- can handle it I should be done with the series in a month or two. Unless my translator and editor finishes the second book and I will have to read it through and approve it for publication, in both Danish and English, in the mean time. I hope she doesn’t. And I hope she does.
Putting the ending off a little longer would be fantastic. And it would be horrible, only dragging out the final goodbye. So I guess I will have to take it one day at a time, see what happens and write as much as possible. I have not cried for Apollon today and I actually wrote about 5 pages, even though it had me feeling very lonely, had me one step closer to losing yet another trusted friend and seeing another special relationship coming to an end.
I am not comparing my books to the life of Apollon, I never would, but each and every one of the characters in these books have been my trusted companions for most of my life, some of them even longer than I have had Apollon. It is a personal loss, writing the final part of their lives down, leaving them to an unknown future.
Yes, their future is unknown, after the ending. It always is. No matter how much you chose to include in an ending, as soon as you write that last word, they are on their own and anything could happen. As soon as your pen no longer plays a part in their lives, who is to say what will happen?
So, feeling a little sentimental here. I am sure this won’t be my last “goodbye” post to the world I grew up developing, but for now, I think I can finally list the names of the books, all of them, as I just renamed the fifth book this evening, as I realized what it had to be called.
From the top, book one:
The Hand of Fate.
It has been published both as an e-book and a paperback, in English and in Danish.
It will be published in English as an e-book and a paperback within the first part of 2013. The Danish translation will be out during 2013 as well.
The Crown Prince.
Written and loosely edited, it will have to wait its turn before anyone besides my sister and my editor, sees it.
The Unicorns Horn.
The same goes for this one as for book three.
The Shadow of Time.
The first half of the book is written and it will be the last in the series. I thought for a while that there would be six books, but this one is turning out perfectly, ending everything just as I always knew it should so I see no reason to drag it out. I hope to have it finished before Tardis is set to deliver her foal come spring. It would be nice and very symbolic in a way, to “wrap up” this story and welcome a new life into the world, hopefully letting me turn a page in my own life and leave the magnificent horses and the magnificent story of the Starstone Series in my past. Never forgotten, highly treasured, but hopefully no longer haunting me.