Always on fire
You run now
With the great ocean
Between the stars
You shine my love
Ever close to my heart
You left us
Leaderless and lost
Proud and free
Ever close to my heart
You were happy here
Most of the time
I made you live
For 15 years
My gentle friend
My loyal companion
My heart, my soul, my star, my endless night
It’s been a year now, since Poseidon left us, on a cold day in April 2012. I’ve hardly cried for him. I didn’t fall apart over losing him. Still, this horse remains to this day, the most important person in my life.
Living with him for 15 years, I know I gave this horse the life no one else could have given him, I know I gave this haunted mind of his as much peace as I possibly could and I know I never compromised the strength of his body.
Poseidon was injured when he came to me, two years old. Mind, body and soul, he was broken, beaten, and bleeding, quite literally. I picked him up and mended him the best I could, with a lot of help from my wonderful vets, my chiropractor and perhaps most of all, my Ferrier. THANK you guys!
Living with Poseidon I knew he was touch and go, I always knew. I had 15 years to prepare myself for the day where I would have to send him off, each and every one of those days, asking myself that same question; is it today?
So when that day came where the answer to that question was yes, exactly one year ago right this hour, I called my vets and they just showed up, no questions asked. I am guessing they had waited for that call for 15 years as well.
I’ve asked myself many times why I am not heartbroken to have lost him. I mean, when we discovered that broken bone in Legacy’s leg, forcing me to let him have peace, I was inconsolable. When Amalia’s heart failed, I felt completely blindsided, even though I had known she had a heart issue for years, I still wasn’t ready to let go of her. I still find it terrifyingly hard to accept that Apollon is gone, that his body just failed, his immune system giving in, for no apparent reason.
Looking at my pasture, at the beautiful youngsters I have now, I miss Poseidon terribly. The pasture will always seem empty without the presence of this magnificent horse, but still, I don’t cry for him. Why?
I think the answer is very simple, really. He is at peace now.
As haunted as he was, I always knew that he never truly belonged in this world. Too much damage had been done to him, before I had a chance to stop it. As happy as he was with me, there was always a dark side to him, lurking right underneath the surface.
Having four horses euthanized in two years, I have seen my share of death. Seeing Legacy, Amalia and Apollon as they lay lifeless in the ground, they were still my horses, my babies, my world, lying dead on the frozen ground. Their bodies where as much my horse, as where their mind.
Poseidon was different. The second he fell, the second the light, that inner flame, went out in his eyes, he was no longer my horse. No picture could ever capture the heart and soul of this horse. His body was just a shell, keeping the bravest soul I have ever met, prisoner.
Poseidon was a feeling, a blaze.
Somehow he still is, even if I can’t pat his neck or touch his skin. Looking at these pictures of us, this was my horse, but only part of him. Poseidon was so much more than just a horse.
So once again, thank you my love, for letting me love you and for every single day of our 15 years together. Thank you for making me the person I am today. Most of all, thank you, for loving me. Even if I don’t cry for you, I know that you understand the impact you had on me and that your memory will stay with me forever.
Poseidon 17/6- 1995. – 23/4- 2012.