Hide

First up, our pictures made it into Horses for LIFE magazine, in a fair version, showing a lot of pictures, making it hard to write them off with “To pass judgment … based on a snapshot is unreasonable, as a still shot from a certain angle does not reflect the whole reality.” Like the Danish Equestrian Federation have been doing. No doubt they will continue to do so regardless, but well, here they are again, those shameful pictures;

http://horsesforlife.com/RollkurTheWholeReality

As for me, I haven’t been online much the last two days. I’ve kind of been sick and tired of the world. So apologies if someone’s messages went unanswered, I do my best to keep up, but it is kind of new to me, to have 6000 views on my blog every day, and I must admit, as much as I always wanted people to read what I write- I am an author- I never wanted it to be like this.

I never indented to be a front figure in a Rollkur cause, I never wanted to be known for taking ugly pictures, I never, ever wanted to have to defend my own horses wearing shoes, my own using a bit when I ride, and stuff like that, to a bunch of fanatics on my own blog.

This blog used to be my space, my little world, where a few people followed me and my horses, rejoiced when something worked out and cried with me when something didn’t. This blog used to be a place for me to share my worries, my fears, my hopes and dreams and now, I never know what stupid comment on Saleem’s shoes I am going to face when I open the page.

To be honest, that is taking a lot of the charm off the whole blogging experience for me. I could just delete those comments of course, this IS my blog, but that would bother me too. I don’t want to be that person, who won’t let people have an opinion… I am just sick and tired of people, thinking they know better than me, why my horse does not need shoes…

So, the last few days, I’ve been kind of hiding, at my stable, and by my TV, watching Series, avoiding online activity as much as possible.

Which is stupid of course. I have a thousand things I should be doing. Like edit a few things in my Hard Cover version of the Hand of Fate. Like set it up in Danish, in a Hard Cover version. I should edit that short story I have, which has a dead line in a week. I should go over the last details of my Natural Horsemanship book, My heart, My soul, My star, My endless night, pick out the right instructional pictures for it, get it ready to be handed in for editing…

Still, as I came home from the stable yesterday, I felt sick at the thought of turning on the computer. A lot of the editing I could do without opening the internet, but there is just no setting the Hard Cover’s up on Lulu without an online connection.

To be honest, it’s not that I can’t handle critique. I have heard it all before. Why shoes, why not shoes, why bits, why not bits, why compete, why not compete. It gets old. I am getting old. Arguing- or explaining myself over and over again- gets tiresome. Once I am done with my Horsemanship book, I am pretty sure I will never teach anything ever again. I am just not cut out for repeating myself…

And again, I am not a people person. I am really not. Even online I feel crowded when I get too much attention. For the fear of repeating myself, because I know I have said this before, I know just why Poseidon and I were meant to be. It never took much for us to feel trapped and really, we never liked people… God, I miss him. Now that he is gone, who is to understand just how I feel?

So, I guess I am stuck watching Veronica Mars, Queer as Folk and Doctor Who, since I know all of the Scrubs Seasons by heart, and my boyfriend keep telling me not to watch that anymore, because he thinks it’s scary that I know eight seasons line by line…

I really need to get my hands on the Torchwood series again as well… I can disappear forever…

But no, I’m not going to. I’m even going to a traditional “burning of the witch” midsummer party tonight… there will be people. Mostly people I don’t know. Not sure how I got myself landed in that mess, but I guess that is just too amusing to pass up. Every year, as we set the fire a blaze, I wonder when they will figure out who is the real witch amongst them…

And I praise myself lucky that I don’t live back in the dark ages, where they were burning real women on the fire… these days it’s really just an excuse to get rid of all your garden waste, to get drunk and play with fire…

Last year we had a tractor getting stuck in the fire… that was quite amusing… farmers never let you down… Just when you thought the world of horses were off its rockers, you remember that there is one breed who doesn’t give a damn… Which is very refreshing from time to time…

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
This entry was posted in Horses, Surviving the Equstrian World, The Starstone and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Hide

  1. jen says:

    I know how you feel about the attention…remember that one time I was posting about something I was going through in Blue’s training, and a lady made the comment that I wasn’t doing it right (or her way, anyway). I freaked out for days over just that ONE comment! I imagine it must be 6000 times worse for you! Hang in there, and don’t forget about all the people who DO believe in you!

    • Starstone says:

      Thank you 😉 It’s amazing sometimes, how people think they know just what is right, without ever having seen your horse 😉

    • sammerson says:

      What Jen said! Don’t forget about those of us who knew you before you were a “nobody”! HAHA…seriously though, it doesn’t matter if you are telling someone how to work a microwave, someone will always have a “better” way to do it…that’s just humans for you!

  2. Marie Anne says:

    I have days like that, too, where I just want to hide away from the world, from people, mostly. But something else you wrote really struck me: “I know just why Poseidon and I were meant to be. It never took much for us to feel trapped and really, we never liked people… God, I miss him. Now that he is gone, who is to understand just how I feel?” I feel the exact same way about my horse, Pie. Since I lost him a few years ago, I haven’t been myself. I was never a people person, never went out with friends much, but without him, I just feel so alone. My boyfriend has been supportive, tells me to trust people more, but… there’s just a void there that I don’t think can be filled. That just stuck out to me, and it’s nice to know someone else has the same feelings. I’m glad I found your blog, I really enjoy reading it. Keep doing what you’re doing 🙂

    • Starstone says:

      Thank you 🙂 Always nice to meet someone who knows what it’s like to have a horse-soul-mate 😉
      People think I’m crazy when I say that, but I really don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone, human or horse, that is just another half of me, the way Poseidon was…
      Good thing my boyfriend isn’t jealous either 😉

      • Marie Anne says:

        Haha, I always called Pie my equine soul mate, too 🙂 Boyfriends who understand are invaluable. I dated a few who were obviously pretty jealous of the attention I gave that horse, but Ken understands. He was told from the start that Pie was my first love, and he always came first 🙂

      • Starstone says:

        That is the thing though, the horse does come first, because it can’t feed itself if it’s hungry, it can’t call the vet if it’s sick, its an animal and it needs us to always be there… unlike a boyfriend, who should be able to figure out someting to while we are at the stable 😉
        I’ve kicked out a few because they dared ask me if I really needed to spend that much time on that horse…
        Well, yes, and since you brought it up once, you will again and I am not spending the rest of my life arguing with you, so here is the door 😛
        What happened to Pie, did he just grow old? 🙂

      • Marie Anne says:

        You’re so right! And good for you for kicking them out! What nerve.
        Yes, sadly, Pie simply grew old. He was in amazing shape at 26 except for his arthritis, but then he got cancer, a very fast-moving one. The vets only gave him a few weeks, maybe a month, but he fought for a solid six months before it was just time to let him go. That was over two years ago. My family still has two older horses, and we’re getting another one from a local rescue next week, a cute little mustang I bonded with rather quickly. I’m finally feeling like it’s time to open up again.
        What happened to your Poseidon?

      • Starstone says:

        Wow, 26 years, that is amazing ! 🙂
        Poseidon was only 17. He is a LONG story, but he had been abused for the first two years of his life, tied up and isolated, and well, when I picked him up and got him out, his left hip was ruined. He was two years old.
        We fought that all his life. I had him for 15 years, I broke him in when he was 7 and retired him again when he was 10, because his hip just wasn’t strong enough for him to be ridden, no matter what I did.
        He was happy on the pasture though, right until last year, when his right front leg gave in and he developed an agressive ringbone.
        With two legs “down” he started having a hard time moving around on the pasture, and he became sad and moody. Poseidon was a strong, proud horse, and I let him go in the end, before he became too worn down and misserable. I knew where we were going, and I just couldn’t make him better.
        It’s never easy, and moving on afterwards, sure isn’t easy either…

      • Marie Anne says:

        No, it definitely isn’t easy. Moving on from losing my horse is definitely the hardest thing I’ve personally gone through, it’s been harder than losing family members. Might sound cold to some, but we spent every day together. Some family members I didn’t see for years.
        Such a shame he had that kind of start in life, and that it affected him for the rest of his life. Sounds like you were his savior though, and you gave him the best chance he could’ve hoped for, and made him happy. Not all horses are so lucky.

      • Starstone says:

        he never did escape what happened to him, but we found out how to make him a whole lot better 😉
        And it’s not cold, my horses are much more my family than those two legs I share blood with 😉
        Without sounding too crazy 😉

  3. Sammi says:

    The work you are doing is so amazing!! Just think of all the people who now, because of you, have changed their minds about rolkur. It may not be very many or it may be a lot who knows? but the horses you have saved from even more suffering are silently thanking you. I am thanking you too for all of your dedication and putting up with the crap people send you. Keep up the great work!

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