Lie Down Your Guns

People say I’m crazy and that I should give you up

They tell me you’re a loser and I have been holding on too long

They say I got to face it and let go what can’t be saved

But I’ll cling to you, whatever it might take

 

So lie down your guns

I’m not here to hurt you

Lie down your guns

I’m not here to fight you

Lie down your guns

We’re together on the run

 

People say that you are a loony and you’d kill me if you tried

They say that I’m a dreamer and you’d be better dead and gone

I know I am at the edge and that you are right behind y back

But I have chosen every step and there is no turning back

 

So lie down your guns

I’m not here to hurt you

Lie down your guns

I’m not here to fight you

Lie down your guns

We’ll be together on the run

 

Lie down your guns

I’m right here beside you

Lie down your guns

I’m not here to change you

Lie down your guns

I will stand by you

 

I’ll meet you off guarded; you can send your army back home

I’ll wait a lifetime to meet you behind the barricades

But you got to lie down your guns

I’ll meet you with my hands raised

 

I wrote this so long ago, I don’t even remember when anymore. I do know about who though.

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One thing about having that “crazy horse” as a teenager is that it sticks with you. The frustration of meeting absolutely no support from anyone in your surroundings, of having people tell you to your face and especially behind your back, to get rid of that animal before it is too late…

I have been “that girl” with the crazy horse all my life, and as hard as it has been sometimes, most of the times, for me to go the long way alone, of learning to understand Poseidon and everything he was, I would do it all over again if I could.

The hardest part about him was always that no matter how much I defended him to the people in my life, I always felt like I wasn’t doing quite good enough for him. When I wrote this song, must have been one of those times where I truly felt like I was losing him, because I was simply unable to get through to him and I found no one to help me. Only well meant advice to have “it” euthanized.

I realize that those people who told me to get rid of him, mostly had my best interest in mind, that they truly believed that he would kill me at some point if I didn’t give up on my little quest to save his life.

What very few people seemed to understand was that in my fifteen years with Poseidon I had very few moments where I actually did fear for my life. What I always knew about him was that no matter how aggressive he came off, how much he snarled and bit and attacked people who randomly walked by his stall, he would NEVER touch them. He never did. Poseidon was all show and warning lights.

I have no doubt that if I had tried to pressure him, to train him by ordinary methods, he would have easily become lethal, because this was a horse that was always fighting for his life on some level. Still, I always knew that if he should one day happen to seriously injure me, it would be without intent. Sure, he was dangerous, sure you had to be on your toes, tiptoes preferably, abound him, but he didn’t really mean to be. Looking at this song, written by my very young teenage self, I am quite happy about who he taught me to be. A person who, in spite what others told me, refused to fight this horse.

I’ll meet you with my hands raised.

Always. For fifteen years, I came to my stable in peace, so to speak.

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It sticks to me. Everything he taught me, the good and the not so good. The other day as my boyfriend and I were driving hay from one loft to the loft above my horse’s house, I was at the loft and he was sticking the bales up to me on a fork. I was stacking them up there and doing it so quietly, he had to tell me to actually stomp my feet so he could hear when I was ready for the next bale.

Imagine that. Stomping me feet, on my loft, with Saleem and Apocalipse in the house and they didn’t freak out… I never would have thought of that. Tiptoeing around, making as few unsettling noises as possible is so deeply embedded in me after fifteen years with Poseidon, I actually found it very hard to stomp my feet, even though I knew that my little ones couldn’t care less.

I always say he trained me as much as I trained him. He really did. And I am eternally grateful for everything he taught me. I still find it hard to understand that he is not here anymore, even though it is almost two years ago since he was finally put down, due to arthritis. I still haven’t really cried for him either.

Of all of my horses, he is the one that is always with me, even now. I always said that we were soul mates, Poseidon and I, and even if there is no such thing as two half’s of a soul, meeting each other and becoming one, then at least through all our years together, through all our ups and downs, we learned to understand each other in a way I doubt I will ever experience with anyone else.

Maybe I cried enough for him when he was alive, when I didn’t understand what was happening, when I felt like I was letting him down for the 666th time… I don’t know. Maybe I feel deep down that he had a good life with me and that he is finally at peace now. Truth is, I always feared what I would one day do with myself without him, but it turns out, I don’t miss him all that much. Maybe we are both at peace now. I can actually look at his pictures easily now and reminisce, with a smile.

He was a magnificent horse. And I sure was his crazy girl.

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
This entry was posted in Horses, Poetry/ Songs /Art and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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