Too Negative? Me? No, never…

Okay my browser is driving me up the wall at the moment, refusing to load half of the pages I am trying to look up…

That’s right, I found something to do, while my boyfriend goes over the last pages of my book, writing comments and highlighting sections where I become too negative as a writer…

Too negative? Me? I would never… Oh, he is highlighting all the sarcastic sections too… right…

Aaaaaanyway, my vet called. Saleem is negative for diabetes, infection, viral and bacterial, negative, negative, negative, eeeeexcept one tiny little, probably insignificant kidney related blood count…

So, basically, great news sunshine, your horse is so not dying! At least not unless you think he drinks more than the other horses, or he pees more, or he doesn’t concentrate his urine… But really, he should be fine!

Yep. This feels slightly ironic. When Apollon was failing, and it was obvious he was dying, I was half way hoping for his kidney count to come back positive, because then at least, it would make sense why I was losing him. It didn’t.

So, truth be told, I have been reading a lot on kidney disease in horses, while waiting for Apollon’s blood work to go through the lab, and still, I didn’t really see it coming with Saleem.

I should have. Two years ago, I had a healer/ acupuncturist look him over, trying to maybe kick start some kind of healing in that fistula he has in his mandible, since he had it fractured, as a two year old… She told me that she sensed that his kidneys were failing. I have to admit, I wasn’t listening… Acupuncture I buy into, healing not so much… Well, clearly, shame on me.

Re-reading all my go to pages online- those who will load- I have to admit, it is not far off. Loss of energy, rough fur coat, loss of muscle… kind of all the things I listed in my previous post “men vs. women,” as the reason why I wanted the horse checked out in the first place.

So, does Saleem drink much? Well, no, I don’t think so. I mean, it’s hard to tell. I spend hours at my stable every day and I always make sure to see all of them drink at least once, while I am there, just because I am that kind of hysterical horse owner. I don’t think he drinks more than the others. I think I would have noticed.

Does he urinate much then? Again, no, I don’t think so. I can’t tell for sure, because my horses do not have a stall, they are never locked up over night, so I can’t tell if his stall for instance, is wetter than the others… that would have been too easy. I do know that I usually do see all of them pee every day, while I am at the stable, which is honestly not something I have been looking for, but it might speak to the amount of time I spend at the stable…

And that is a lie. I am looking for my girls, keeping an eye on their cycles, since I do have a stallion on my pasture and I don’t want any unexpected foals next year… So, yes, maybe I am looking to see them pee every day. For some reason Saleem and Apocalipse seem to be very much on the same pee schedule, pretty much always going together in the old house. Don’t ask me why, but when it is only you to clean it out, you do notice when two of your horses tend to leave their pasture and their grass, to come running inside the house, to pee and then leave again… somehow that feels a little too much like a cat in an over sized litter box and I do not appreciate my house being used that way… I know, very little sense of humor on my part.

I am sorry, am I being negative? Or sarcastic? Wow it’s so hard not to sometimes… I guess that is how I survive.

Which brings us to the last question. Does he concentrate his urine? Here I have to admit, I was asking my poor vet to explain that. Concentrate? How do I know? I know that Saleem is just about the only one of my horses who I actually figured were drinking enough, because his pee is always clear, see through, colorless… I kind of thought that was a good thing?

I mean, sometimes Apocalipse shows up and delivers something so dark it’s not even yellow, and it smells like he hasn’t been drinking for days… Saleem never does that. Again, those two are very easy to compare, when they usually go at the same time. I must admit, I always did worry more for Apocalipse, wondering why there were so much waste in his urine, compared to his father’s… (Yeah, Saleem is Apocalipse’s dad.)

Clearly, having hardly any waste in ones urine is really bad too. Clearly Saleem’s urine is not supposed to be colorless. Clearly I am an idiot for not having thought of that, but what the hell, my vet got to be the vet for once… that should make him happy. Or make him wonder what kind of a strange little girl knows the exact shade of her horse’s urine, all five of them…

I’m really not crazy. I just notice these things, I can’t help it.

So, plan of action, other than me freaking out and looking up possible treatments online, stumbling across quite a few pages that gives my 6 year old Arabian about a month more to live, my vet really wasn’t worried.

He told me to keep an even sharper eye on how much Saleem drinks, how much he urinates and what exact shade it is. Should I find something truly disturbing in a week or two, he would run a urine sample, but at the moment, he didn’t deem it necessary. Saleem is really not sick. It is a slight deviation in the blood sample. Nothing to worry about.

I just can’t help but feel that I have heard that before, with another little red horse. “Just a viral infection. He will get over it. Give him time.” For thirteen years. Just a viral infection, that the immune system for some reason does not seem to be fighting. And oh wait, not worrying as much as I should have might have lost me that horse. Apollon was about Saleem’s age when we ran his first blood samples and I was told not to worry.

So. I’ll worry as much as I want to. No matter if it is his kidneys failing or not, this horse is a nightmare to build muscle on, he is tired, he sleeps as much or more than the youngsters, always has done, and his winter coat is, to say the least, rough. If it is not a kidney issue, something else is up, and I am not letting it go. Saleem is going to be here for the next fifteen years. I promised myself that when Apollon died. No more. Not again. I will figure this out…

Now, little browser, stop sabotaging me and start loading my pages, so I can obsess some more…

Must be ready for when the Easter holidays are over and I can go back to pestering my vets without feeling sorry for this one guy who got stuck with the entire clinic all week, on his own…

Yeah, I’ll be obsessing on my own for now. I only emailed him and asked if I could have a copy of the blood test. He should have known I would ask for that… the last one of his colleagues, who ran blood tests for me, had the lab send them directly to me…

Okay, so I am that crazy. And if my browser doesn’t start cooperating soon, I will take it out on the first person to get near me… my poor boyfriend. He won’t see me coming. But then again, I am pretty negative, so maybe he should know… After all, he has almost read my book by now… if living with me for the last 8 years hasn’t clued him it yet.

Maybe I am not negative. Maybe I am just pretty scared. And pretty upset by all the times where I have been let down by those who should know better than me. And angry with myself, for the few times, where I have ignored the healer, who actually managed to diagnose the horse, long before I realized that I had a problem.

Maybe I am just tired of being censored, of tiptoeing around the Equestrian World, never quite saying all the things that so desperately need to be said.

You know, when I bought Marble, her mother was up for sale as well. I was contacted by the new owner of Marble’s mother the day before yesterday, and she and her friend, came by yesterday, to see Marble. Turns out they want to get Marble’s mother pregnant and were really curious to see her first foal, who has just turned three.

Nice girls, both of them, really. And still, one of them works at a professional stable and she looked around and asked if I only had youngsters. So I pointed at Saleem, saying nay, this one is actually turning seven this year. I could tell from her expression that she was silently judging his lack of top line and muscle everywhere, so I jumped instantly into defense mode and said yes, I know he looks like a youngster still, but he is a head shaker and it has taken me a very long time to figure out how to press the right buttons, so as to not stress him out, which is why he is not as strong in his top line as he should be, just yet.

Her first response was, drawreins.

Now, I am not out to speak ill of anyone, I really liked these girls, but it is killing me to hear how fast someone jumps to the drawreins solution. It shakes its head? Have you tried tying it down?

Well, no and I am never going to do that. But these are our professionals. And I am sorry, but no matter where I turn in the equestrian world, this is what I meet. How can I give that a positive spin in my book, when just the suggestion of drawreins, by a complete stranger, is killing a little piece of my soul, every time I hear it?

Why is it that a sweet, young girl so easily jumps to force and fixation? What is wrong with the equestrian world?

And yes, what is wrong with my horse? Drawreins would fixate his head, it would never help him build a strong top line and it would damage his spine and his legs in time. Still, I do feel that he is lacking so much muscle these days, that I have to defend him to a complete stranger, simply because I think that any horse of mine, should look stronger, and healthier than he does at the moment?

No, I am so not letting this go… Come on Firefox… Help me be crazy for a while.

About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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5 Responses to Too Negative? Me? No, never…

  1. LHK says:

    Calm down sweety, it will all be fine, we will figure it out… 🙂

  2. tusu says:

    “Saleem is just about the only one of my horses who I actually figured were drinking enough, because his pee is always clear, see through, colorless… I kind of thought that was a good thing?”

    A horse’s urine should be thick and a yellow to orange color. It should look – well – disgusting. Thick, and a nice disgustingly bright orange yellow. Some have compared the right consistency to clarified butter, I’d say that’s about right if clarified butter is thick and yellowish.

    If the urine is clear and thin and watery, it is a sign of a problem. ‘Concentrating’ the urine is good and normal, and that is what makes it so thick and yellowish.

    A horse’s physiology is very different from a human’s and signs of health are different, but most likely, the ideal of a human having completely clear colorless urine is also off track. Healthy foods have color in them and color the urine, but just normal human urine has a certain amount of color to it regardless of what one eats. I am not sure where the clear colorless urine for humans idea came from, maybe from the people who insist every human must drink 10+ glasses of water a day to …. to do something, I don’t know what. But also this 10+ glasses of water a day was debunked long ago.

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