The Mind Of A Writer

My wonderful partner in crime, Noel, has been reading the second book in the Starstone Series at long last. I know, not before now? Well, she has been busy and has not had much time to read, but, then she got sick again…. And started over with the Hand of Fate and the Twins.

It is such a strange feeling, to have someone so close to me, read those books. And I know, Noel and I mostly talk over the internet because we life in different parts of the country, but still, she is one of the very few who “gets” how this crazy mind of mine works, most of the time, since she is a writer herself.

She has been writing to me on face book, kind of wanting to talk about the Twins, the new book she was reading, but not exactly sure how to ask the questions she clearly wanted to ask, and I have been dying not to tell her all of my secrets and ruin the series for her.

The truth is, every time she has brought up my books, I have been biting my tongue not to confirm or deny what she imagined might happen on the next page. What I do love about her, is that she thinks like that.

There is a very clear difference between readers and writers. Readers read the books, love them or hate them, spot the underlying story line- if there is any- or not, and then they move on to the next book. Writers open a book and from the first sentence, they start wondering who the characters are, what motivates them, where the story is going, how this is possibly going to end without being anti climatic, if the small details are important to the story somehow and should be remembered, or if they are just there to give the reader a sense of the world they are now living in…

Loads of questions, ordinary people don’t think to ask, no offence. Like, Noel asked me, “Does Valo grow a back bone?”

And the reason she asked me that, is I presume, because he is a perfect character for personal growth. He is not a kind of character who can stay unchanged through a series of five books, because if I don’t allow him to grow a back bone and rebel somehow, I would be “killing” him, simply by keeping him frozen in time.

But what to say when she asks? Yes? No? Wait and see? Not in the book you are reading? He can’t change overnight, he needs time… Loads of time… but be patient with him?

Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about my books, especially with people who have read them. I love how my imaginary world comes alive and how the persons who has been inside my head all of my life, becomes real to someone else all of a sudden.

Still, talking to another writer about them, proves rather hard, because she sees through me, most of the time, she spots the potential dangers of the story, (as far as the writing is concerned, like not allowing character development for instance,) and she is reading everything I have not written between the lines. I guess that comes from writing with her for a long while, on our joint project, the Kiss, the Dragon and the Werewolf. She knows how my mind works by now, and even if I can still surprise her once in a while, she understands where I am coming from.

There will be no escaping that. I am a writer, yes, and my stories do center around me to some extent. Know me, and you are not too surprised by my stories. It just had me thinking, hearing how Noel talked about the Twins, that she is one of the few, who actually is close to having me figured. That is a very impressive achievement.

And so now, I am waiting for the mail to bring her the Crown Prince, book three in the series, and I am kind of biting my nails here. All of my books are special to me, but the Crown Prince is different, a little closer to my heart in some ways. And as a writer, I take a lot of chances in that book. I had a lot of trouble with it, while writing it, sometimes feeling that I was taking too many chances, and sometimes feeling that I was backing out like a true coward, not exactly taking the story where I wanted it to go, because I dared not. The finished version is a compromise of my own little war within my head, and I can’t wait to hear Noel’s response to it.

At the same time, with this book, I don’t think she is going to anticipate it. But I kind of hope she is. Somehow, if she can, figure out where I am going, her of all people, it would mean that I am not too crazy. At least, she would be crazy with me.

So yeah, biting my nails here, for quite a lot of reasons.

In other news, I am kind of stalling with releasing the Danish version of Surviving the Equestrian World, until I get my copy of the English one, and has been able to see if it prints the way I want it. What I am really doing, is making up excuses to not be editing the Danish version.

I don’t know, if I hardly ever have writers block, I sure have “editing block.” I can almost always sit down and write anything, at any given moment. But editing…. Sometimes it is cool enough, going over a story you wrote a long time ago, revisiting it, and hopefully still liking it… but most of the time, it feels a lot like school work, and anyone who knows me, knows that the worst nightmare I can ever suffer through at night, is dreaming that I am back in school.

Being chased, hiding in dark castles, from shadowy figures, being haunted by ghosts, getting killed- who ever say that you never die in dreams are totally wrong, I have watched myself die and get buried many times- you name it, I am rather unshaken by it when I wake up. But have me dreaming that I am going back to school and I wake up in tears… No kidding. The thought makes me physically ill. My boyfriend did mention the other day, that I could easily take up studying again, and maybe become a vet or something… he could help me through the math and stuff I find really hard and… I had to stop him, because just him talking about the possibility of me going back to school had my eyes burning in an instant. I cannot do it.

It feels a little strange. It’s not that I disliked school. I wasn’t bullied or anything. I didn’t even find the school work too challenging. So why this violent response from my mind?

Because it would take up my time. Somehow I always felt that… I wasn’t going to live forever and I have things to do, before it is too late. Like, finish writing my books. The thought of wasting time, learning things I don’t need, when I could be writing, or thinking about writing, developing my world, is simply something I can’t get past.

I remember the elderly lady who owned the stable where Poseidon and I grew up. She had me figured. She told me once, that I was the best kind of stable worker, because I could do anything with my body, I didn’t mind the hard labor, as long as she left my mind alone. So really, she knew I could spend days, washing and painting walls at the stalls, without getting bored, as long as she didn’t talk to me too much. Just leave my mind alone. It’s always somewhere else, as soon as it gets the chance…

Anyway, sidetracked here. Editing feels a lot like school work. You go over the story you have already written for the 666th time, you try to pick out typing errors, you wonder if every sentence makes sense to someone who is not you, you keep an eye on the underlying story line and makes sure nothing is compromised, you check the eye color and the hair color and the way the names are spelled on your characters, in short, no creative writing.

With Surviving the Equestrian world, the editing is even worse, because it is not fictional. That is the story of my life, and the lives of those closest to me, my horses. Yes, I find it hard to return to my past sometimes. Writing it was very hard. Editing the English version was cruel. So, yes, I am stalling with the Danish version. I want it out soon, I really do. I just have to pick myself up and go over it one more time, adding pictures and text for the pictures…

Explaining everything one more time… Boy, I am not good at repetition.

So these days, I find myself writing on my sci-fi series, the Legacy, or simply not turning on the computer, and watching X-files all night…

Noel was a bit surprised by the Starstone Series, how unlike any other fantasy books they are. So, it makes sense, doesn’t it, for me to watch Sci-fi series at the moment, just to make sure that my sci-fi books do not become ordinary? And let’s face it, one can only watch the Doctor Who and Torchwood series so many times… the first seasons of X-files are pretty good… pretty awesome way to help me stall, anyway…

Wow, this post got away from me, didn’t it? I always have so much to say about my writing and my worlds… and soon, very soon, Noel is going to read the Crown Prince. If I disappear for a while, it is only because I am hiding in a cave somewhere, terrified that she may not like it…

Or it could be because my computer finally died. It has been threatening me a lot lately. These days, it refuses to turn on, unless I reboot it once or twice. And even then, the screen just switches off at random and when I try to kick it back to life, it either reboots the computer or remains unresponsive… Can you hear its dying song? I can. I have noticed the magical pixie dust that is sprinkled across my screen a lot too. (AKA my graphic card kicking the bucket…) So, yes, there is a chance that I might go offline for a while, while I figure out how in the world I am going to buy a new computer, but it is most likely because I am too much of a coward to hang around for Noel’s response to my book. And then again, I can’t wait for her response…

Yep, still fighting myself over that book… Still losing.

Here is a picture of Chad and Life, not caring at all.


Have a nice day everyone!


About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
This entry was posted in Life- The Cat, Surviving the Equstrian World, the kiss the dragon the werewolf, The Starstone and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to The Mind Of A Writer

  1. I am sure I will love it, and I have an idea of what I think will be happening, but I want ask or anything…
    I am loving “The Hand of Fate” and “The Twins” because I have never read anything like them, they are amazing… and when you think you have it figured out, then no, but I did come close a few times…
    And I am glad to heard that Valo may grow a back bone a some point 😉 I do like him, but I would like him to rebel a bit 😉

  2. Reblogged this on noelheartpoet and commented:
    Sweetheart at least we are crazy together, so that is not so bad 😉

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