It was rain-snowing today. Which meant of course, that scooter broke down again. As it happens, it is hardly three weeks since I had it at the shop for doing just that- breaking down when wet. They swore then, that it was fixed. Turns out, it wasn’t. Not at all.

Standing on the road side, in the middle of the pouring rain, with a scooter that just died and refused to come back to life, is one of the most lonely feelings in the world. There is nothing you can do. Nothing at all. You can kick, you can scream, you can cry, and believe me I did all of that, and nothing changes the fact that your options are very limited.

One, you can turn around and walk it back home, then pick up a bike and go to the stable that way. That solution of course, will add about two hours to your transport time, and considering that your horses are going to be hungry and two hours is a long time, that is hardly a good option.

Two, you can leave it at the road side, (hoping it will get stolen….) and take the bus. That option is flawed as well, because while going on the bus might get me some of the way, it will leave me half way to the stable, where the bus doesn’t go any longer. So, I would have to walk for about an hour and a half after getting off the bus. And that takes me back to two hours, being too long.

Three, you can always hope it stops raining and keep trying to kick it into action again…

I picked the third option today, refusing to let it die on me like that. The last time they had the scooter at the shop, they fixed the kick starter, so it should work, even when the electrical starter doesn’t. Only, clearly, it doesn’t always.

In the end though, after a lot of kicking and crying, (it wasn’t pretty, a poor lady who lived nearby came out of her house and hung around for a while, asking soothing questions, clearly wanting to help me and having no idea how,) I got it going again. So, I arrived at my horses an hour later than I had planned on. Thankfully they are the forgiving kind…

After having tended them, fed them and groomed them and treated Ablaze’s eyes, (that infection just won’t die, I am on my third “cure” now…. *sigh*) I went to go home. Scooter had been kept at a dry place while I tended the horses, but it didn’t matter. It was stone dead. No response at all on the kick starter and when I tried the electrical starter, it just coughed and smelled of gas. Awesomeness…

The last time I walked it home, (I didn’t, I can’t push it very far, my boyfriend walked it home,) it took us about five hours. Not something I look forward to doing again…

So, I decided to feed the horses a lot of extra hay, so I wouldn’t have to go out there again in the evening, (if I should make it home somehow,) and then I started all over again with my kicking and screaming and crying…. and I got nothing from it.

The guy who owns the stable came by, (of course not offering to take me home, even though he had the car, the licence and even the trailer that could transport the scooter, and I am not asking for help. A little stubborn, that is me….) and we fired up his heat gun, to try and dry out the engine. He then added that if I didn’t get it going, he could take me home in about 3-4 hours, he just had to go somewhere first. And me, not the scooter. Which I said no to, simply because leaving the scooter at the stable won’t fix anything. It won’t get it to the shop, and it will only leave me tomorrow, with no means of transportation… So no thanks. Besides, waiting 4 fucking hours in the rain at the stable, will be sure to make me sick…

The heat gun did not make a difference at all. Even once it was dried, it did not respond. So I called the shop and asked what exactly it is that sets out and what I could do to fix it?

His response was, “Get it dry. I am sure you have a hair dryer somewhere?”

Mostly that is the kind of response that makes me laugh and cry at the same time. First off, it IS dry and it is still not working. Second, you guys FIXED it (or should have) mere weeks ago. Third, when was the last time you had a hairdryer in your pocket when you went riding your scooter, and if it had broken down on the road, when was the last time you came across a roadside outlet for electricity? Fourth, yes, actually I do have a hair dryer at the stable, don’t ask me why, but I don’t have one at home. Not all girls do, you know.

So, finding no real help there, I went back to my kicking and crying… I feel like I have been crying most of the day. I am not sure why. It is just such an impossibly hopeless situation to be in, I can’t seem to handle it. When my means of transport abandons me, my world collapses.

I start thinking, and that is always a bad idea. I start wondering how, if I wasn’t sick, I might earn more money, and have a house and a stable, and no need for transportation when I wanted to feed my horses. I start to wonder how I am ever escaping this situation, because I can’t keep doing it forever, going back and forth like this. I am getting too old and my body is not keeping up. I am only turning 33 this year, but I can feel my body failing me more and more these days, and I feel a desperate need to have my horses closer to my home, before I won’t be able to see them anymore.

Everything seems to just close in on me, when my time with my horses are threatened. Even writing this, makes me cry, which is kind of stupid, I know, but my horses are the sole reason why I get up in the morning and force my body to not fail me, yet another day. What happens to me, the day I can’t have them anymore? And then I get stubborn. No bloody scooter is going to come between me and my horses….

In the end, I got it going. I arrived at the shop with it about an hour before they closed up, parked it outside and went into the shop to let them know it was there. The guy followed me outside and turned it on, using the electrical starter and it just responded, first try.

That is how it usually works. When it is warm, it responds. The trouble is, when it is cold. I do feel a little like an idiot when I show up with a scooter and tell them that I have been kicking at the kick starter for 4 fucking hours and it flat out refused, and they just turn it on like that…

Okay, so, listen up. It is broken, I swear it is. And now it is yours. Try turning it on tomorrow, when it is cold, I dare you…

I think I have had this scooter at the shop about once a month (at least) since I got it. Mostly the guys there have managed to get it going again, without hospitalizing it, so it has not been recorded just how much this scooter has broken down. I realize now, that is a mistake on my part. It should have been written down, every single time. It has been doing this since it was brand new. I dare say, that no matter what the problem is, it is a factory mistake and try as they might, they cannot fix it. It’s not like they haven’t tried. Actually, the guys at the shop are really nice and helpful and always try their very best to make me happy when I show up crying… Of course, crying customers can’t look good, but still. I have no complaints over them. Just that worthless piece of …. ahm, scooter they sold me. Small wonder they are not selling that particular scooter anymore… I wouldn’t either. Mine alone should discourage anyone from ever buying one of those.

The helpful guy I spoke to on the phone before I got the scooter running, the hair dryer guy, had promised me that they had a scooter at the shop I could borrow while mine got fixed, again, again, again… Turned out, the guys at the shop did not know they had a scooter I could borrow and the one they might have, was in kind of miserable condition. Missing a mirror, seat lose, electrical starter broken, and I swear, after driving home, it has a wheel lose as well… It is going to be interesting, surviving a full week with that one, but they didn’t have time to look at my scooter until next week and they swore that this one, can handle rain-snow….

A friend of mine, Jen, wrote an interesting blog post today, about handling adversity with grace.  I realize that today, I did not. Absolutely nothing graceful about how I broke down today, alongside the scooter, and sometimes that is okay too. Not everything deserves a smile. It really doesn’t.

But look at this. It gave me something to write about at least… While my head explodes. Oh yeah, my old migraine has returned, for the first time in 20 years, and has localised itself at my left temple. Maybe I should have that checked out, but with the scooter being so unreliable, I can’t wrap my head around, (pun intended,) going to the doctor. Chances are, I won’t make it anyway, so why bother?

Okay, it has been a bad day. I am sure things will look better tomorrow. And if that borrowed scooter won’t kill me, then maybe I do need to talk to someone about how ungraceful I am, and how I cannot handle problems like these one with a smile. Or at all.

What I can do, tonight, is tell myself that I got through it. The horses didn’t suffer and I got the bloody thing to the shop, all by myself. Who needs grace anyway?


About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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2 Responses to Grace

  1. jen says:

    Let’s face it – sometimes the only way to get through adversity is to kick, scream, and cry. Graceful…no. Real…yes. 😉

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