I have not been writing for a while now. I have been spending the last 20 days watching 9 seasons of Supernatural, finding it a very good excuse to not pick up my books. Before that, we were busy training for all our X-Wing tournaments, and by all means, I still should be, with the first one coming up this Saturday.
I have to be honest though, I have put off my writing all year so far, using one lousy excuse after another. The thing about me, is that I don’t get writers block. When I take time off from my books, it is not because I can’t write, or because I don’t know what is going to happen and needs time to think it over. I always know. Sometimes, I just don’t want to write it down.
It is a strange feeling, being a writer. Right now, I feel like I am watching an accident happen in slow motion, like I am letting it happen, and I know that as a writer, I have the power to stop it, but I won’t.
You see, I have this character, I really adore. And he has to go. Irreversibly. He has to be written out with no chance of coming back. He has to die, for the story to move along as planned. I kind of always knew that I couldn’t save this guy in the end, but I think that now when I am nearing his demise, I am putting it off. I even found myself wondering what would happen if I just let him live…
I know, I am going soft and that won’t do. I won’t swoop in and save him. I will let the story unfold as it should. And I will do so, kicking and screaming.
I picked up my book again yesterday, and wrote a few pages on it, before I threw it away and played X-Wing with my boyfriend instead… I don’t usually feel like this, when I am killing off characters. Somehow, I set up this perfect trap for myself, this perfect chance for happiness for a character I have, granted, been very mean to in the past, and I am going to take it away again, by killing off this guy. Welcome to my head, where no one gets to be happy for long.
Sometimes it would be nice, to not be a writer. Once you start hiding from your own work, you have to wonder if you are truly too evil?
So, no more hiding. This is book three in my (yet unreleased) Sci-fi series, and I am not going to stop writing it now. Although I am clearly not beyond putting it off, and any excuse will do.
Like now, writing on my blog instead. Or going to my stable when I am done here… And I think I have a few My Little Ponies that needs restoring tonight… I mean, this girl needs a new tail, for instance…
I am a master at never being bored, and jumping through hoops to avoid things I don’t want to do. Like killing off my darlings…