Not This Week

I’ve been staring at this blog for a while now, thinking that I should update it. I guess there are a lot of things I could write about, but the truth is, I am having a hard time focusing my mind at the moment. I keep feeling like there are so many things I should be doing.

I never quite spend enough time with the horses- if you ask them. I don’t hug the cat enough, if you ask her.

I don’t write enough on my books. My new series has been at a standstill for quite a long time now, with my mind being too scattered for me to dare work on it.

So, aside from feeling bad about what I don’t do, here is what I should be doing. I should be editing and cutting some of our Dark Mare projects. I should be rewriting the details, and working out the sound track. I should pick up my guitar and… Be creative. You know?

We shot a shortfilm last weekend, and we were set to do pick up shots tomorrow, but while I cut it the other day, I realized that we had more material than I needed already, so at the last moment, I cancelled tomorrows shoot. Or, changed it. We had activated the whole crew anyway, might as well make the best of it, you know? So now we are still shooting tomorrow, only…

I should spend the rest of the night, figuring out what we are shooting, so I won’t be wasting everybody’s time on set tomorrow. We have one of the actors for Heartbreak East on set tomorrow, so naturally we are using him… That is how far I got in my planning, so far. Sounds good?

Nah, not really.

Sometimes I feel that I am being stretched too thin. That if I don’t handle things, nothing gets done. I need to let go of that notion. I am sure that Aston is busy planning tomorrows shoot and that he is perfectly capable of doing so, even if I bow out for once.

Anyway, while I am not hugging the horses or the cat, or writing either on my books or on the script for our projects, here is what I AM doing. I am watching Supernatural.

Yeah, I know. Again. I shouldn’t.

Truth is, I have a strange love/hate relationship with that show. On one side, I adore it. On the other, it always leaves me heartbroken, and wondering why I watch it. Add to that, watching it as a scriptwriter, I can’t help but feel insignificant and wonder if I have what it takes to ever pull off a series. (Don’t get me wrong, we are not doing a Supernatural show, not at all.)

And deep down, I know that what is really killing me at the moment is that when I was writing the script for our shortfilm, I may have told the story of an old friend of mine who died ten years ago. It would have been her birthday this week. It should have been her birthday.

Editing that film was, honestly, one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was quite surprised by that. I mean, she is not even in it. Its actors, right? And it’s been ten years. Move on, would you?

I will. Just not this week.

Maybe someday.

I will be less prone to withdrawing into the world of TV series once November is gone, that much I do know. For now, I am nearing the season two final again, of Supernatural, and… What, Sam is going to die, right? I am not watching that. I am not. I don’t want to. I really don’t.

So of course I am going to. I wonder how much I would have been willing to trade, with a crossroad demon, to save my friend’s life, if I had had that option?

Okay, it’s a good thing we are going back on set tomorrow. It does not do to leave me alone with my thoughts for too long.

But would you look at that, at least this looks like a blog update, doesn’t it?


About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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