Every once in a while, my blog sends me a message, saying that it is getting viewed like crazy at the moment.
I never quite know why or how that happens. I mean, sure, I know that I have been stirring things up in the equestrian world a few times, and that I have posted some not so diplomatic pictures and such, and I know that when I do that, I am bound to attract attention to my blog.
But sometimes, I swear, I have not done anything, and people just look me up anyway.
That is kind of scary, to be honest.
This blog is mostly me, writing about my life, my horses, my job at Dark Mare Pictures, and my writing and my books. Why would people be looking that up, really?
I know that when traffic on the page is suddenly exploding, it is because someone, somewhere, is linking to me, telling their friends and followers to stop by. The only trouble is, I can’t tell, no matter how much I look up my settings, who they are, or why they are linking to me.
And sure, that is the thing about the internet. Never post anything you don’t want people to know, because there is a chance that someone will actually read it. And link to it. And once you have published a post, that ship is sailed. You can delete it all you want, but truth is, its out there and there really is no deleting it.
All my followers, for instance, get an email, whenever I publish a post. That email includes a link to the post, so they can look up my blog and read it there, but the email includes the written words of the post as well. No matter if I delete the post on my blog or not, everything I wrote in the post when I published it, has been permanently saved on my followers email.
I hope that most of you guys that follow me, read my posts on my blog, because I usually edit them after I’ve published then, because that makes it easier for me to find all the typing errors and such. But they will all be in the email you get from my blog…
Anyway, when my blog suddenly alerts me that I have more than usual guests visiting, I always wonder why.
It is a strange feeling. Not knowing what it is people are reading.
Again, when I published the pictures from JBK or from the Danish Nationals, of bleeding horses and any imaginable torture device used in the equestrian sport, I knew why people stopped by. Granted, the amount of views they attracted, was daunting as well, not to mention the amount of people replying to the posts by telling me to just accept that “some horses bleed and it is not the riders or the sports fault…” was overwhelming. (I delete those comments usually, by the way, if you have not noticed. Or I just don’t respond to them. I have no need to waste my time, arguing with anybody – online- who think that there can be any defending making an animal bleed in the name of a sport.)
But at least I know, when I chose to publish those posts, going after the FEI or the Danish Equestrian Federation, that I am poking the dragon.
And for me, it really is poking a dragon. I am not a people person. I really don’t like interacting with people at all, online or not. Running this blog, not to mention Twitter and Face Book, has been quite a challenge for me. (And yeah, now I mostly got the Dark Mare Twitter and Face Book too, so hurrah…) I am always a little terrified when people comment on my posts.
Not because I am afraid that they won’t like me, or that they will disagree. You know? It’s not that. It’s… I don’t know. And it does depend on who, of course. I do have quite a few friends, whom I love hearing from, don’t get me wrong.
What I am trying to say, is that I am as bad as this whole social media thing, as I am at being social in general and when my blog suddenly explodes, it freaks me out a little.
I know it shouldn’t. I am a writer. I want people to read my books, right? And my blog?
Uhm, yeah. Most of the time, I guess I do. Just not too many at the same time. That does get scary.
I have been asked quite a few times how my latest book is doing. I honestly don’t know. I am not looking it up to check. I kind of don’t want to know. It’s out, that is good enough for me. I am better off, not knowing if people read it or not.
So really, I wish my blog wouldn’t tell me when traffic increases drastically. At least when I can’t tell what post people are looking up. That always makes me feel like I am about to be blindsided. It could just be one of the horse related posts. And those linking to it, could mainly agree with me. Or, they could think that I am dead wrong, and be busy looking up my blog to drown me in hate mail…
I run a small group on Face Book, against horse racing. Mostly I created the group as a counter part to a group that was encouraging people to “save horse racing” and make sure that the industry didn’t lose their sponsors. My group is very open and I didn’t think to install any safely measures on it. Really, it was mostly just a counter to a group of people that pissed me off, by claiming that two year olds, ridden so hard their bones break, is perfectly excusable in the name of a sport.
Some of those people joined my group though, and started writing all kinds of nasty things on the group wall. I wasn’t online. I am not online a lot. I don’t have a smart phone. A couple of my friends spent most of the day arguing with those people, getting bullied like crazy, until I signed in and kicked those people out of the group. Really, life is too short for that, in every possible way.
I am all for discussing things, reasonably. Again, I don’t mind that people disagree with me, but it has to be within reason. Don’t ever try to tell me that a horse, that ruptures a lunge, while jumping, is just a “bleeder” and it is perfectly okay. Don’t ever argue to me that killing on average three horses a day, on the race track, is okay.
Sure, we can talk about shoes, and nosebands and bits and draw reins, just don’t be stupid. My life is too short for that. I do not have the necessary people skills to deal with that. Still, if I do get not too friendly trolls on my blog, I will have to deal with them, and that always bother me. Again, not because they don’t like me, but…
I think it is the fact that anyone would try to argue for the horsefriendlyness of racing, that kills my spirits. Just like I can’t wrap my mind around how some people can defend what goes on in all other aspects of the equestrian sport. I guess what truly bothers me, is that I lose faith in humanity, every time I am confronted with those kinds of people.
I always assume that it is one of my FEI bashing posts that gets the traffic, when it increases, but today, I don’t think it is. I checked my site stats, and it is simply my home page that is drawing attention. Which, of course, makes me wonder even more.
I have some very personal posts on this blog, about my depression and a lot of the crazy little things that goes on in my head. If this traffic is not about horses, when what?
I should go live in a cave somewhere, without an internet connection. I’d be better off. I really would. But then, there would be no Netflix, and no watching Supernatural…
So, what I am trying to say here, is; “Well met, everybody. Nice of you to stop by. I love it that you do, and now, I’ll go hide, because I am a crazy person. Well met, indeed.”