While I was on the way to the stable the other day, the mail arrived, just as I was leaving and there was a letter for me, sent from someone in Norway. That made me pause for a second, wondering who I knew in Norway, who might know my full name and address? I mean, I have friends in Norway, mostly through our HIM street teams, but none I could imagine would write to me, or… They really shouldn’t know where I live?
So, feeling very much like Harry Potter, getting a mysterious letter, I sat at the end of the stairs, ripping it open. And the first line read something like, “hey, you may not know this, but I am your sister.”
No, it’s not a soap opera. I swear this happened. Even if I can’t stop thinking that this is something that only happens in Days of our Lives…
I believe that I have mentioned before, that I never knew my father. My mom ran away from him when I was nothing but a baby, and I only have her version of events. Even though we went underground and changed our names, I did hear through the grapevine, that I may have a brother or a sister out there. I even tried searching the last name on face book a few times, but it turns out that it is a pretty used name in Norway, so it was impossible for me to pick out one to contact.
As it turns out, my sister is a much better detective than me, since she managed to find me, despite not knowing my name at all.
I will admit, that spooked me the most. How did she find me?
I tossed the letter in my pocket, and left for the stable, thinking things over while I fed and watered the kids, wondering what to do. She had written a phone number in the letter. I could just call her. Why not?
Well, there is the excuse that I was still sick and coughing like crazy, and that would be a funny phone call… “hey, cough, I’m Veronica… cough, choke, you wanted to get in touch? cough, dies…”
Then there is the other excuse, that I really hate talking on the phone, especially if I have to be the one calling. I always feel like I am interrupting. Intruding.
So, instead of being the perfect grown up I should have been, I sent her a text saying that I would love to meet her.
Maybe not in so many words. As much as I can open up around my horses, or when I write, I really suck at human interaction, most of the time. I do tend to raise this wall between myself and others, especially those I should be close to.
I have two other biological siblings, on my mothers side. My brother and I haven’t spoken in 15 years, ever since he told me to give up on my signature horse, Poseidon, and just have him put down. That is such a betrayal of everything I am, and even if Poseidon is dead by now, and I may have forgiven his ignorance, I still know that my brother and I will never have anything in common.
My little sister and I are friends, but we are not close. We are very different people, and I know that I have been lousy at reaching out to her. I know that I haven’t really tried to find common ground for us. I am not good at that.
She has two sisters though, through her father. One of them, is perhaps the one person I have had that was closest to a sister, while I was growing up. We were the same age and when our parents were together, we were very close. After they split up though, we drifted apart, and again, I didn’t really fight for her.
So, all in all, family was never that important in my life. My true family was always my horses. They are the ones I am loyal to, they are where my heart lies. They are the ones I fight for.
Did that sound sad? I don’t know. I always wondered when I saw other siblings, have those close relationships with each other. Mostly it just looks like friendship, but what do I know? There could be something more.
But, getting off track here. I do that a lot these days…
I met with my sister yesterday. Going to meet her, I was honestly nervous. That never happens to me. I don’t care what people think of me. But her, I kind of didn’t want her to dislike me. I kept telling myself to not withdraw. Be nice. When I get nervous, I raise my walls around me. Don’t do that. Don’t be an idiot.
Turned out, she was completely awesome. I don’t think I have ever spent so many hours, talking to a complete stranger before.
It felt strange, hearing her talk about her father- our father- and his side of the family I never knew. The grand parents, the uncles… Turns out, I am not the only writer in the family. Or photographer. Somethings clearly just runs in your blood…
Mostly it felt strange, talking about this guy, I never knew, who she grew up with, and calling him “dad.” I didn’t at first, I called him by his name, like I always did, but as the day progressed, I caught myself changing that.
I am not even sure why. I never really wanted to accept that he was my father, as I saw way too many likenesses in what my mom had told me of him, in me. Somehow, meeting my sister, made it easier to accept that part of me.
I feel a little like a teenager again, having met someone who could potentially be a new best friend. I want to write to her, but I don’t know what to say, and I don’t want to spook her by being too clingy. At the same time, I don’t want her to think that I don’t want a relationship with her, if I don’t stay in contact…
Knowing me, I’ll probably just write about it on my blog… That’s what I do, isn’t it? When I need to get my head straight? (Okay, that won’t happen, but straighter…)
I guess it is okay to be a little confused. After all, it is not every day you get a new sister, whose life you have known nothing about for 30 years. I am not quite sure how to start on catching up on that.
So, now, I’ll just go back to my stable and wait for my vets to show up. Ablaze still has that eye thing, and it is going to be difficult to treat him… One thing at the time. I’ll figure out how to handle this, once I got Ablaze and his future eyesight under control. That, I know how to handle…