Fangirling – Real Life Hero

While my timeline on facebook is busy drowning in people starting the Mishapocalypse early, (don’t ask,) crawling with Misha’s everywhere, making it a very surreal to go anywhere on social media, something completely different came up.

One little post, sneaking in between all the Supernatural fandom stuff. I kind of unfollowed and deleted myself from most of the equestrian world, but somehow the fact that Monty Roberts is coming to Denmark, in less that two weeks, found it’s way to me.

I realize that Monty Roberts is as controversial as any horsemanship trainer, or any horse trainer, really. Right now, I simply don’t care. He is coming to Denmark.

I am a bit torn about it, because on one hand, this guy saved my life, and Poseidon’s life, and gave me the tools to work out an understanding with this horse, back when the rest of the equestrian world was telling me to put it down before it killed me. One the other, I probably don’t agree with most of his training methods anymore, and seeing your all time greatest hero “live” might be a huge let down.

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I’ve been going over it in my head for a while now, contemplating how I would even respond to going to an event like this. I left it behind, all of it. The equestrian world. I got out. I am just me and my horses now. Even reading about the show, has my nerves on end.

Teaching your horse to get their ear hair trimmed…. Really? That’s an issue someone is bringing to Monty? Imagine if you had a real problem… Because I could come up with the easiest solution for that. Don’t fucking trim the ear hair, it’s there for a reason….

I know. My tolerance for the equestrian world is very low, having been worn down by years and years of watching people creating problems where there should be none if you had a basic understanding for the horse you were working with.

I am going to end up as a mean old lady, I know. I’ll be one of those who bite the nurses at the nursery home. Unless I let go of all of this. And I did. It’s just… Monty….

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What it comes down to, is that all my disdain for the equestrian world does not outweigh how much I want to see this man in person, even if I am not training my horses like that anymore.

As far as real life heroes goes, he is one of the very few people who had a real impact on my life and who truly made a difference.

I know that I am prone to fangirling, and to losing myself in fandoms, like the Echelon, the HIM’ster’s, and lately the SPNfamily. But as much as music and TV series like Supernatural has made me smile and laugh and cry over the years, nothing comes close to Monty.

He gave me 15 years with my soulmate.

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I have no words for that. No band, nothing compares.

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And he is coming to Denmark. I should go see him. I am mostly writing this, preparing myself to go through the emotional range of reliving my time with Poseidon. Of spending night after endless night, watching videos on the internet, with an online connection that was so horribly slow, it almost made you jump out the window, or at least out of your skin, waiting for it to load. Of watching and re-watching the VHS tape I somehow got my hands on, with one of his training sessions.

Of reading every article about him I could get my hands on. Of desperately clinging to this tiny ray of hope for Poseidon and I, refusing to euthanize him until I had tried everything, which included mastering Join Up.

I actually don’t know if I should tear open those wounds.

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And then again, I kind of feel like I have to. In honor of the horse that made me who I am today, and the man that got us on the right path, way, way back in the day.

I am going to torture myself about this for a while. I hope I end up going. Knowing me, I probably won’t. Ignoring the world was always easier than dealing with it. I hope I won’t this time.

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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