Asking For Help

I guess there is no easy way to jump into this, so I’m just going to go ahead and jump. I’ve been having some serious issues lately, more than usual, with feeling sad for no reason. It’s been downright crippling at times and it has bothered me and my ego a lot, because if there is one thing I pride myself in it is being stubborn and able to pull through anything without help. Actually having to admit that I cannot handle this, whatever it is, on my own, really knocked me off my feet.

Luckily, my doctor actually listened to me and did not just ship me off to a psychiatrist when I brought it up. Please don’t get me wrong, if this turns out to be a purely mental problem, then I’ll accept it, but it matters greatly to me that I have checked all possible physical reasons first. That said, I am not getting on anti depressants, and I don’t see myself ever talking to any kind of professionals, so finding some imbalance in my body chemistry, was my best hope for a less “curl up in a corner and cry for no reason” future.

So far, we’ve run a lot of tests and I do have some serious issues. All treatable, but still off the scale low numbers, on some of my blood work. We are still waiting for answers on some of it, so I’ll have to be a little vague for now. But we have been able to start me on treatments already, so I guess I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed for now, and hope that it all works out.

I am having a mildly annoying allergic reaction to the treatment, which has got me on antihistamines, and that always knocks me out. I have no idea how people function when they take that stuff. “Safe for driving,” it says on the label. I sure ain’t safe for driving, or walking or just staying awake when I’m taking it.

All in all, I am trying to adjust and cope and still move forward to the best of my ability. And not forgetting to do it with a smile. I feel like this has become my new mantra.

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Regardless of what this show I adore is turning into these days, it will always have this quote and it sure has pulled me through some rough spots lately. That quote and of course, Pinkie Pie.

Smiling is one of those things you need to remember to do. If you can fake it for a while, something usually comes along and makes you smile for real.

Like, if I don’t curl up in a corner and cry over having to open a new bale of hay, (yeah, that could happen… ) but put on a smile instead and actually take Saleem for a ride when I’m done with the chores, I might end up smiling without having to remind myself to do so.

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He is super awesome and the spring is very green these days. That ought to lift anyone’s spirits, no matter how irrationally off they are. Saleem is always happy, and that sure is contagious.

I will have to mention that I have the very best mother in law, and that she helped us buy  a new scooter after the old one was stolen last week. That sure is a relief, not having to get back on the bike for good. THANK YOU! I have no idea what I would have done without you, and it.

Also, huge thanks to all of my friends who instantly rallied around me and offered to help me out in any way possible when you heard I was without transport. You guys rock, even if I am ever always too proud to accept help if I can get away with avoiding it. It still warms my heart to know that you guys were there. If I should truly fall one day, and not get up, this has taught me that I am not without a safety net. There will be hands everywhere, reaching out to me. That is very comforting to know. ❤

And I guess I should not forget the boyfriend. This may be the hardest on him. I have no idea why he sticks by me sometimes. I suspect he must be some kind of saint… It can’t be easy, watching someone fall apart. Even if I put on a smiley face to the world and usually fool most of those around me, he has caught on to me lately. Thanks for not giving up on me. I’m sure, I’m not making it easy.

Alright, so that’s whats been going on with me lately. Sort of. FYI, having multiple blood tests taken in some of the warmest days of spring, is not a good idea because it leaves you blue and bruised and looking like a heroin addict when you wear a t shirt… And the nurse at my doctors office is actually pretty ninja at it. I just bruise easily. I guess that goes for all aspects of me.

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And last, but not least, thank you guys for reading along, day after day. I am sure I’m annoying to follow sometimes too. I can’t promise that I’ll lighten up, but I swear, I am fighting tooth and nail to do so. I even asked for help. Imagine that.

Okay, hit it Apple Bloom. One thing that never fails me, is My Little Pony.

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Asking For Help

  1. jen says:

    I’ve been terrible at reading (and writing) posts lately. I’m glad to hear you have a new scooter, but bummed that you aren’t feeling well. Hang in there! I’m sending you love and light from across the ocean and hoping that you feel better soon!

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