So, I did something I could have sworn I’d never do. I signed up for a gym. Yeah, you read that right.

Since I quit working as a horse trainer, and started with Dark Mare Pictures, I haven’t been working as hard (physically) as I used to. Not that movie making isn’t hard, but nowhere near as hard as taking care of 40 horses every day.

Adding to that, I’ve kinda been falling apart, and I lost interest in riding or training my own horses. I’ve basically done as little as possible all of 2015. No riding, bare minimum of training, bare minimum of stable work…. I mean, I’ve been at the stable every day, feeding, hugging and kissing and stuff like that. But I never just decided to paint the house, for instance, or do anything that didn’t desperately needed doing.

That kinda means that I have been putting on weight, 20 kg to be precise. Also, it means that my muscles have deteriorated. I can easily feel that I am not as strong as I used to be, when I carry hay, for instance. And because carrying hay is hard, it makes me sad that I have to do it, and that is just a horrible circle to get into, where everything gets worse day by day.

I asked my doctor for help 5 weeks ago by now. At long last. Turns out that my body isn’t accepting B12 vitamin. Like, at all. In fact, when I eat it, my body attacks it. Which led to me being in severe need of it. And lo and behold, that leads to depression, among other things.

Over the last 5 weeks, I have been getting B12 injections. I’m gonna do that for the rest of my life. My doctor isn’t a fan of me, doing it myself, but well… I guess in time, I’ll convince him. I can’t run up there all the time.

So far though, it has helped a lot. I’m not exactly sure that I’ve healed entirely, but I am feeling much better most of the time. Good enough to decide to get my body back. Do something. Start riding again. And you know… work out.

I will admit, signing up was huge for me. I was terrified. To some extend, I still am. This is so far out of my comfort zone, I don’t even have the words to describe it.

I am used to being in charge. At the stable, when I write my books, even in most of my relationships I am kind of a control freak. I know that. (Sorry, friends and boyfriend. I need to be in control of something, I guess…) Joining a gym, meeting new people, having to ask for help… I am still horrified that I did that.

So, I signed up. And spent a few days trying to convince myself to go try it out. You know, some late night, when no one was around… The Fitness Center has open 24-7. I can show up whenever. So I figured, what are the chances that there would be people in the middle of the night? I could go and figure things out on my own, like I always do, you know? I am a rock, I am an island, I don’t need people.

After having spend three days not going, because then it got too late, and you know, I could just go early in the morning instead, or… I had a lot of terrible excuses for postponing it. So in the end, I signed up for team training.

Yeah, way to jump off the deep end, V. Swim.

The thing about team training is that once you signed up, you have to go, or pay a fine for signing off. That kind of motivation works on me. I can’t afford to quit.

So, I went. I nearly backed out a thousand times the first day. Hardly slept the night before. But it was super fun.

Yeah, I said that. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am not nearly as fast or as strong as any of the others, and I am so uncoordinated, it feels like a bad music video.

I think that is kind of funny. Put me on a horse, and I have perfect control over every single muscle in my body, but make me move on my own two legs and I fail miserably.

I mean, simple things like, raise your left leg and your right arm. Diagonal movement. How hard is that? On a horse, I do that all the time. Inside leg, outside rein. Its second nature to me. But on my own feet, I fail more than I succeed.

I won’t lie, its hard too. I don’t think I’ve ever been this sore all over. They have some very through trainers at my gym.

And because I am me, I can’t just go once in a while. If I am signing up for something like that, if I am spending time on training, I better do it seriously. Like, as many days a week as I possibly can fit it in, otherwise, what’s the point?

So what if I’m sore. Train some more, it’ll go away…

I realize that may not be the most healthy approach. Fortunately, the only team training there is on Sundays are early in the morning, where I usually go yard sale My Little Pony hunting, so I can’t train on Sundays. What do you know, a whole day off… Yeah, I still dare not go alone…

I signed up for a yoga class the other day. Not just body building. I figured I’d try something else. I can easily disclose that yoga is… Not suited for my personalty.

I mean, it was kinda nice. Hard, fun, and somewhat calming, until the instructor made us stand on one leg. Are you kidding?

Again, my balance on a horse is perfect. It takes some serious rodeo to shake me. But my own feet… and only one of them…

I think the poor instructor spent half the time telling me “patience,” and “don’t get angry.”

I swear, I wasn’t angry. Maybe a little frustrated, but not angry. And patience isn’t my thing. Not when it comes to myself. My horses, yes. But me? I better listen up and do as I say…

And then he made us stand on our heads.

I should mention here that I never took gym classes as a kid. Like, ever. I am hyper flexible, which means that I over extend my joints easily. I was always excused from any kind of gym as a kid, for one reason or another. This is completely new to me.

I am giving yoga a second chance though. I’ll learn this “patience” he kept talking about…

Mostly, I really want to be able to coordinate my body better. Oh, and feel like I am doing something to get me back on track. This is something to focus on. Something I can handle at the moment.

But really. A gym. Imagine…


About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Gym

  1. The Smiling Pilgrim says:

    haha stay healthy 🙂

  2. jen says:

    I logged into WordPress today, intending to write a post about re-committing to exercise after a long time off – and you already did it! Great minds think alike??? 🙂 A gym would scare the crap outta me. Kudos to you for being so brave! I love yoga but have never had the guts, time, or money to sign up for a class. I’m a huge fan of Yoga With Adriene (she’s on Youtube)…she gives you permission to ease into things with no pressure to be perfect (I need that). Keep up the good work! Glad you’re starting to feel better!

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