Me Time

I started at the gym about three weeks ago, by now. And yes, I was terrified, and yes it was a huge thing for me to do, having to interact with people, going way out of my comfort zone, doing something I was not good at in public. That is so not me.

It has been totally amazing though. First of all, I have met zero body shaming anywhere. There is people of all sizes showing up for dancing, or body building, or yoga, you name it, and no one bats an eye. That is fantastic.

And yeah, I am taking dancing classes as well, because I realized that I am completely handicapped when it comes to my own two feet. Give me a horse, and I can do anything. But coordinate me own body? What the…? Really?

One of the things that had me thrown at first, was my old knee injury. Over the years I have managed to tear apart my right knee multiple times, in show jumping accidents, getting run down on the road, you name it, it was always my right knee that somehow ended up torn.

I found my old support bandages for that knee and soldiered on, and I won’t lie, I wasn’t sure how it was going to play out.

Three weeks. I have been going for an hour or two almost every day for those three weeks. But that’s all it took. My knee is… pain free for the first time since… 1999? That is kind of stunning to me. Who would have thought.

I have been told to not use it, to respect when it hurt and stop what I was doing if it got to bad. All these years, I have been favoring that knee, afraid I would ruin it for real and now… Its just… Well, I’m not a doctor. I can’t say if its healed or not, but it sure feels much better than it has for years. That is good enough for me.

Also, when I started at that gym, I couldn’t do two sit ups after each other. I kid you not. So much for riders having abs. I sure didn’t. I won’t say that I am as hardcore as the others I train with yet, but I am actually keeping up now, when we do sit ups and stuff like that.

Yes, I am pretty amazed by how my body is responding to this training. I feel like I have always had a bit of a war going on against my body, and maybe I am finally finding a way for it to obey me now, without damaging it?

What I think I really like, aside from the challenge of learning how to coordinate your body, or realizing how many muscles you don’t have, or restoring a knee that was thought broken forever, is that the time I spend at the gym is… mine. This is not me, going to work. This is not me, taking care of my horses. This is me, doing something for no one else, besides me. I have never had something like that before. Ever.

Somehow, I guess that is worth holding on to. Even if it is kind of hard to work into my schedule as much as I would want to. But I guess I’ll figure it out over time. You learn as long as you live…

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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