Silence

It’s been quiet since Life died. I’ve kept this blog silent for an entire week. I haven’t written a word on any of my books or scripts. Somehow, creativity seems wrong, when faced with a loss like this.
I’ve had a ton of friends tell me that they were sorry I lost my pet and every time someone called her that, I felt my soul die a little, because how could they ever understand? I know they mean well, but…

Life was not a pet.

Life was…. Life. She was our baby. She came to us; it was as if the hand of fate placed her on our door step, and we adopted her. She sat by our dinner table, on a chair, like a child, for three years. She slept between us in the bed, like a baby, for three years. She sat on our lap when we worked by the computer, for three years. She claimed our attention every second of every day, for three years. We carried her around on our arm, whenever we had to get up and go somewhere, because you didn’t just put Life down and ask her to be a cat, any more than you would put a child down, who really needed love and hugs.

She was special. She was perfect. And everything is just empty without her. I still try not to open the front door too much when I come home, for fear of hurting her. She tended to sleep behind the door, waiting for us. I still expect to hear her paws on the floor and feel her claws in my leg, if I did not pick her up quickly enough, whenever I sit down and turn on the computer.

I haven’t done that much. I have had days this week, for the first time ever, where I haven’t had it turned on at all. Even my smart phone has been off line and I’ve ignored any notifications that might have shown up.

A loss like this is not something that I can just walk away from. I need the world to stop spinning for a while. I need the silence that she left behind to be heard.

Even the things I used to get excited about, and stalk religiously, isn’t that interesting to me at the moment. I know that they started shooting SPN again, and that social media is probably drowning in news about season 12, but I don’t really care. I’ll watch it when it airs. Maybe.

Even going My Little Pony hunting at yard sales has a bitter taste to it at the moment. Life loved ponies. If I had known she would only get to be here for three years, she could have had all of mine. I don’t think there is a greater testament of love, for me.

Gishwhes is coming up, and I will have to let the world start spinning again though, at some point soon. I am not letting my team down. No matter how sick of the world I am at the moment.

The one thing that has saved us this week, has been Pokemon Go. It was launched in Denmark the day after Life died, and since then, we have walked about 10 km every single day, catching Pokemon by the local lakes, or jumping on a bus, going to the ocean to catch some water Pokemon.

And, once we got higher level, we have been locked in virtual, real life battles, with the other teams, day and night. We have two high school-like institutions near our house, and they have 4 gyms. I swear, those gyms change color ten times a day.

We have been running over there at 4 am, just to defend our gyms, or reclaim them when we lost them. The other trainers around are just as crazy, going on battle sprees in the middle of the night, clearly hoping that the enemy will be asleep.

It has been a fantastic way of getting lost in something that never had anything to do with Life at all. It takes us out of the house, away from the halls and rooms where she used to live, away from the garden she is buried in, and out fighting some battles we can actually win.

Also, the cats in the neighborhood think its awesome.

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They have been following us around like dogs, hunting with us. Kilometer after kilometer, they have run along, wondering what we were up to. Two, sometimes three or four of them.

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I guess that is a reason to smile again. And I know that to most of you, I must sound melodramatic and insane. Which kind of saddens me too. Because there are so many people out there who will never understand that to me, an animal, ANY animal, is an equal. I am vegan for the simple reason that torturing, and murdering someone, makes me sick. And losing my cat, is almost unbearable.

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So is watching the others sleep on her grave. I doubt that Monster knows that Life is buried here, but he sure looks just like I feel.

Left behind.

Alone.

Holding on to a memory that is bound to fade.

Hopefully, the silence in my head, and the hole in my heart, will fade too. Knowing me though, it won’t.

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But I’ll find a way to live with it, eventually. I always do. Somehow.

And now, I think I’ll go beat up that gym that just turned blue on my phone. Go team Instinct! It’s midnight…. There might be ghost Pokemon out… Bye, real world.

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About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
This entry was posted in Life- The Cat and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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