Update On Nothing

I’ve totally been neglecting my blogs lately. Along with most of my other social media pages. I do stop by face book or twitter once in a while, to keep up on Supernatural, My Little Pony, Pokemon, or the latest local X Wing tournament. That’s tomorrow, by the way. I’m not going. I should. You know, talk to some people. Shoot down some rebels. But ah, yeah. The newest change of game rules kick in on Monday. I can’t handle spending a whole day, fighting lists that will be outlawed the day after. That is just… Pointless. Also, my Cartel Spacer list gets a major pat on the back from the game creators on Monday. But flying them on Sunday, well… So, not going. Look at me, tons of excuses to stay away from the world.

I had not heard from my vets about Tardi’s blood work, so I had to call and ask. I despise that. Picking up my phone… My scooter decided to turn off its headlights as well, today. Yeah. I had to call the shop for it. What is a girl to do if she just can’t handle talking to people on the phone? Seriously… I should have been born in the middle ages…

Anyway, my vets are super cool. The secretary answered and was instantly, “V! Haven’t heard from you in a long time! How are you?”

I mean, that is so sweet. She was so busy, I could hear the other phones at the office in the back ground, going off like crazy, and still, she asked how I was, even though she was clearly alone at answering everything. But what do you say?

I feel so much like Castiel most of the time. “I’m fine.” Because that’s what humans say to avoid awkward conversations. “You know, when I am not calling you guys, its because everything is peachy.”

Anyway, it turned out that the vet that did the blood work on Tardis, is on vacation, and she has the results, so. Still no answer. The secretary instantly offered to call her and ask for me. I said no. Jeeze, let her have some time off. Tardis is not dying. I hope. I can wait. I can only imagine how hard it is to be a vet, and never have any time where you are truly off work.

I have to say, I doubt that Tardis has EMS, but that does leave us with the question of her edemas. Sometimes, lately, I have been wondering how much easier my life would be if I did not have them.

And that, more than anything, really scares me. My horses were always my reason to keep fighting. They still are. But other people sell their horses and move on with their lives. Why not me? Because they are my babies and you don’t sell your babies, no matter how dark a hole you are slipping into? But what if they were better off with someone else? Someone who would have set the wheels in motion a long time ago, trying to figure Tardis out? I kinda had my back against the wall here, before I called the vet. Maybe I should have responded sooner. Maybe others would.

I feel like I am hanging on by my finger nails and every time I look at my gang, I wonder if I am failing them. Rationally, I am know that it is for the best that Apocalipse and Marble is not ridden yet, despite their age. Rationally, I know that they are happy, and they don’t need anything. They get hay twice a day, have unlimited access to grass, water and shelter and they have each other 24-7.

I just can’t shake the feeling that I am not doing as good as I should. That I am not spending enough time with them. That on rainy days, when I just show up, fill up water and hay, and clean out their hooves, they… miss me? Especially Ablaze and Apocalipse. My foals. In a perfect world, they would have a window to my bed room and they would be hanging over the computer when I was writing. Even if they are part of a herd, they seem lonely, and disappointed when I leave.

Yeah, get over it. I know. If only I had real problems, right?

On the plus side, when it is not raining, Saleem has actually begun playing a lot. I was running with my foals the other day, and Saleem joined in and he did not spook when Ablaze got over excited. One of the things that truly lifts my spirits is seeing Saleem try new things, and for him to not back down instantly when the game got wild, is amazing. He sure is blooming these days. I guess I should hold on to that.

So, how am I doing? Well. I’m fine. Ish. Still here, at least. And I promise to write about something happier on this blog soon. I just gotta figure out what.

The boyfriend and I are looking for a new place to live, because our current living arrangements are driving me up the wall, so fingers crossed that it will work out soon. Perhaps that could kick me back into action. It’s just a little complicated, finding a place, close enough to the horses, and where cats are allowed. But we’ll see.

Until then, I’m kind of becoming addicted to my gym. The great thing about the gym is that you don’t have to talk to people and I get to use all that energy, I don’t use, now that I am not riding the horses. Also, it is kind of fun, reclaiming my body. Aaaaand the trainers kinda know me by now, so I guess that having them know my name, is all the human interaction I can handle…

The My Little Pony game, is a life saver. I haven’t bought a single pony to my real life collection for months. But, I have been buying digital ponies. Somehow, building them little houses, playing with them, managing their shops, making dresses for them and collecting element shards and gems… I can do that. That is the world I want to be in at the moment. Thanks Gameloft. When I go broke, I’m blaming you.

I am writing, though. I am almost done with the 4th book in the Legacy series by now. And this post is pointless, I know. But here we are. I guess there is always some reason to keep fighting. For me, its always been my writing, my horses, and to some extend, My Little Pony. I guess some things never change.

Which reminds me. Time to look up BronyTV and hope they have the season finale up. That. Would. Be. Awesome.


About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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