Settling In

I haven’t written much lately, not on my books and not on my blog. I am having a hard time finding a rhythm where I actually get to sit down and write. In the three months before we moved, I kept telling myself that once we got to the new place, things would be different, so no need to stress over it. And when we got here, a month and a half ago, there was a thousand things that needed to be done.

Like unpack all our stuff, (the boyfriend used to own a book/miniature/game store and has a lot of things from when it closed,) tend the garden that was growing wild, make sure the cats settled in and didn’t run off.

Once we let Chad out, the first thing he did was jump our fence and disappear for two days, leaving me running around the neighborhood at all hours of the day (and night,) calling for him, imagining that he was trying to run back to the old place and got hit by a car and was lying in the road side, bleeding and dying alone.

Or that he found a new home, and someone took him in, and didn’t know that he was sick and needed special food, and that he would die horribly that way. Or, what if he got delivered to an animal shelter? He is not what you would call tame, they would put him down, wouldn’t they? He may be a stupid special needs child, but he is MINE, and when I don’t know where he is, my mind never stops torturing me with all the worst case scenarios it can come up with.

Luckily, he came home two days later, acting like nothing had happened.

Then they started fighting with the local cats, leaving me getting up a thousand times every night, to chase “strange” cats out of our garden, because they were beating on the little one. She has been very brave about it all, but I don’t want her to get hurt, and I don’t want Chad to get scared and run off again, and when I hear fighting, I wake up instantly. Here they are, having each other’s back.

It’s a dangerous business, going out your door, Frodo…

All in all, Chad used to be a stressed out cat, who would just as well pee in the bed as sleep in it, and I have to admit, as much as I love him,I have been near my breaking point with him, a lot of times. Moving here has been amazing though. Once the dust settled and he decided to want to live here, he has been happy. Just happy. No peeing anywhere, and he even lets us pet him now, and he plays with Shy, instead of attacking her. And sleeps in the garden like it is the safest place in the world. I guess that is worth me not sleeping for weeks…

Now, it’s not just because of the cats, that I haven’t been writing. I have, of course, had to claim the local Pokemon Gyms (pokemon go,) for Team Instinct, which has been a bit of a battle since Team Mystic has been holding this area since the game started. That church is mine, MINE, I tell ya…

I honestly can’t wait for the gym battle system to be changed. I am getting really tired of the game as it is, so I am really looking forward to the update. That said, once the first couple of weeks were over, Team Mystic surrendered like the cowards they are, (hehe,) and the only ones who has been fighting me out here is an elderly married couple. Tip of the hat to them, the game gets even more boring without adversaries.

Hunting pokemon with my friends is still a nice way to spend an evening, but it is only fun when something cool spawns. Like a ponyta…

The horses take up a lot of my time, of course, even if I still don’t ride them.

(Apologies for the horrible picture quality in this post, I’ve copied them off Instagram, because my phone still won’t talk to my computer…)

And with spring comes awesome chores like cutting the grass and nettles underneath the fence, preferably on the hottest day of the year so far…

They are doing good though, all of them. Of course, Saleem breaking another tooth (he fractured his jaw as a colt, and that has left damage to the foundation on his teeth,) has had me worried a lot, and with him losing a lot of weight, I have been staring at him for hours, wondering if he was chewing properly. I even asked my vet if it was unfair of me to have him around, but she looked so surprised that I would even think that way, that I take it, he is not suffering. He is gaining weight again now, so… Chill, Veronica.

He is okay. Still Saleem. Still my headshaker. Still perfect. ❤

I work out a lot, and only play a little Pokemon during yoga class…

No, to be fair, great pokemons usually spawn at my gym, so I must check when I’m there. But yes, in addition to Zumba and Bodyfit and all the other stuff I am attending, I am picking up yoga again, trying to get a little calm in my head for a change.

But I mean, seriously…

Gotta catch them all, right? I think that by now, most of the instructors know that I am playing Pokemon, one of them even plays himself and calls me “Team Instinct” whenever he sees me. I may have accidentally worn one of my Instinct tank tops at his class once… I didn’t think anyone would know it was a pokemon thing. Oh well… I was always a nerd, with everything I do, be it fantasy, horses, work out, or gaming. Working out and catching pokemon at the same time, is just who I am… Luckily, only some of the instructors gives me penalties for catching pokemon in their classes 😛

I guess that what I am trying to say is that between life, and everything I want to make time for every day, and everything I have to make time for, like taking the scooter to the shop, and washing dishes, and mowing the lawn, writing is taking a back seat.

Also, you gotta make time for hanging with your cat…

And hanging swords on the wall… Perks of living with the left overs of the boyfriends shop… The Sword of the Witch King…

And Arwen’s sword…

I know… I am a master of coming up with stupid things to do, rather than what I should be doing. Like taking dumb pictures…

One of the great things, for me, about moving here, is that we finally got a living room. (And I got my own room, instead of having to write in the bed room. Wup Wup.)

But now, my books are in our living room, right next to the rest of the boyfriend’s shop, (he has got tons of Dragon Lance- score!) and my other geek books. It is kinda weird to see them like that. I used to have them on a dark shelve above my bed. Now they are out in the open, in my own house… Imagine that. Somehow, I’m not sure my books do well in daylight, but so far, they are holding up 😉

No, really, I have my own work space for the first time in years now. A room that is just mine, covered with My little Pony, my guitars, and my gym clothes and my camera. Everything that is just me is in here, and the garden looks amazing right outside the window.

I should have every possibility to wright, right?

Only, most of the time, I feel like the one thing in my life that is getting neglected, is the boyfriend. So whenever I am not chasing Pokemon, or cutting nettles under my fence, or staring at Saleem, or dancing Zumba, (while falling over my feet,) or looking for a missing cat, I am having a hard time going to my perfect room and turning on the computer to write, because then I won’t get to spend time with the boyfriend at all.

I know that he is okay with it, but that doesn’t change how I feel. Like I should do better. Do more. Be less like butter, scraped over too much bread… (Enough, V. Don’t quote Bilbo now… Sorry 😛 )

The boyfriend was away this week, working some night shifts, and I instantly bought a bottle of wine and some vegan chocolate and turned on my computer.

It felt amazing to sit down and just write again. That is truly who I am. I may play guitar, but I am not a musician. I may know how to work a camera, be it an Eos or a Red Scarlet, but  I am not a photographer or a movie maker, not by heart. I may know how to ride or train any horse, and as much as Natural Horsemanship has been a hat I have put on for most of my life, that is not who I am either.

I am a writer. I am a story teller. This is where I find me.

Now, I am not blaming the boyfriend for not writing. I will admit that  I have been having a hard time with finishing the Legacy Series. I am writing on the last book in the series and I really don’t want to wrap it up. I kinda know what needs to happen, who needs to die, and who needs to be left standing, that sort of thing, but I don’t want to do it. So I have been stalling a lot.

Which is why, when the boyfriend was away, I realized that I was not done stalling. So, I sat down to start a new book, postponing the end of the Legacy.

This book has no name yet, but it is one that has been requested by quite a few of my readers, actually. I have been playing with the idea for a while now, and so here I am, finally letting Cazinor have his own book, from the time before The Starstone Series. For some reason, people seem to love Cazinor, and I will say, I am pretty proud of that. He was meant to be loved. He was meant to be this insanely cruel guy, who people forgive his sins, and just adore. As a writer, having people ask me to write more about him, is a total win. So here I am, letting him unfold in his own book, not as a sidekick in someone else’s story. And yes, I love him too. But then again, I love all my characters.

I will end this (long, sorry,) post by the best picture I have taken in a long time. I know it is blurry and you can’t really see anything, but somehow, that is perfect to me. I took it, while being home alone, hanging pictures of Poseidon, Legacy, Amalia, Apollon, Life… All my babies who are no longer with us, and feeling like I was looking at someone else’s life. Like this girl I was with them, was no longer me. Not really.

And still, I would give anything to have them back, each and every one of them. So cheers guys. I love you all. And even if you never got to move here with me… You did. You really did.

About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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