As Long As It’s Blue

Things has been changing around here lately. Most importantly; the boyfriend got a new job, one that actually ensures a steady income, instead of the Dark Mare Movie business. That has been kind of scary for me, while Dark Mare was our main income, because we never really knew where the next paycheck would come from.

That said, this new job is pretty far away, and since we just moved, and we love our new place, and I cannot handle moving the horses, he will have to drive the distance. Which means, he will need a car.

Let me start by saying, I know nothing of cars. I don’t even have a drivers licence. As long as he can afford it, and still help pay the vet bills and the hay, I could not care less what he buys.

I can’t really say that, though, because then he’ll just buy a motorbike, and I cannot handle that. The thought of having him drive an hour and a half every day, on the freeway, on a motorbike, in all kinds of weather, is making me instantly want to cry. I would be terrified every morning when he left, and I would always wonder if today was the day he did not come home.

I get that it is hypocritical of me, since motorbikes are no more dangerous than, say, horses, especially the kind of horses I have been working with for most of our relationship, but I just can’t wrap my mind around the idea of having him on a bike on the freeway.

So we are back on buying a car. His next idea was, of course, a sports car. You know, a fast little two- seat, yeah?

I’m an equestrian. I really see no use for a car you cannot stuff with hay or horse-food. All in all, I want a trunk, or at least a f**** back seat. I mean, come on, is that so much to ask for?

He does make a compelling argument, though, because we have our hay delivered, and the horses doesn’t really get food besides the hay these days, but still. What if?

Besides, if we want to continue with Dark Mare once in a while, won’t a back seat be nice?

We have been discussing this for a while now. I really think I’m an awesome girlfriend; he gets to pick the car, as long as it has a back seat… And it’s blue. Anything else, he can choose. How nice of me is that?

Yeah, the color is another thing. He should not be surprised, though. Everything with me is electric blue, always has been. And most of the cars he has been looking at actually come in a metallic electric blue. I’d almost let him have a sports car, as long as it is that color…


But he really isn’t a fan of blue for a car, especially not something as aggressive as my kind of blue…

Who would have thought that picking a car, with a girlfriend who had no interest in cars at all, would be such trouble? Poor guy…

I will admit that there is one more reason for me wanting a back seat. Just a tiny one.

I never wanted kids, and he was always okay with that. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure he was happy not to have that kind of responsibility. I just can’t help but wonder what my life looks like in a year or two from now.

We have more or less decided that we don’t want any more horses. The 5 we have now are probably the last. I may buy a pony in the end, to keep who ever outlives the others company, because once the pony becomes alone, it is much easier finding a good place for a pony, than for an old horse.

I am letting go of a lot of things these days, walking away from a huge part of who I used to be. A car is going to be a choice that follows us for the next 6-8 years. As long as I am not a 100% certain of who I am going to be next year, I really don’t think that buying something without a back seat, is a good idea.

Truth is, we probably won’t have kids. I really, really, really don’t want to be pregnant. That is mostly my issue, though. I wouldn’t mind having a kid. But carrying it… brr… Still, buying a sports car now, feels like closing a door I am not entirely sure I want closed.

In the middle of actually having to discuss kids and cars and grown up stuff with the boyfriend, Jussi (the cat) came home with an infection in his tongue. Yeah… So, he has been fighting a lot since we moved, with the local cats, and either he bit himself, or one of them bit him in the tongue.

It may sound kind of funny, because seriously, of all the places to get bitten…

And I will admit, it took me half a day to realize how serious it was. I noticed that he would not eat, and that there was something looking suspiciously like infection foaming around his mouth from time to time, and when I opened his mouth, I saw the wound on the tongue.

I figured that it would heal, so I bought him some tuna, to make him eat something. Now, I’m vegan, and I had to hand feed him little pieces of dead fish, while trying not to throw up. I swear, my entire kitchen smells like death now. I despise that. But I guess my cat is more important, after all.

It wasn’t until I was at the stable later that it hit me. He won’t eat, because he won’t use his tongue to lick up the food off the plate. Which is why he would eat, when I stuffed it into his mouth.

How do cats drink, Veronica? Like humans and horses? No. They lick it up.

They lick it up.

If he was not using his tongue, he was dehydrating fast, and I was an idiot for not realizing that.

So, now Jussi is on antibiotics and I (force) feed him water as well. Why would I ever want kids? 5 horses and a handful of cats seems like enough trouble, doesn’t it? There is always someone who is sick, or who gets too little attention and I hardly ever have time to sit down and write as it is.

Adding to my scattered mind these days, Misha just announced that this year will be the last Gishwhes. I always knew that it wouldn’t last forever, but somehow, I am not ready for letting it go just yet. The world needs more crazy. More creative people, dedicating a week a year for doing charity and shaking things up. Even though I got an email from “Misha” a couple of days ago, telling me that it was over, it didn’t really hit me until I saw his video on instagram. Somehow, hearing him say it out loud that this was the last year, really got to me. I was actually crying as I watched it.

How dumb is that. I should not have kids, like ever. There is no way I’d handle that.

Nah. I should probably let the boyfriend buy that damn sports car… As long as it’s blue, right?


About Starstone

-Owned by horses. Writer, Photographer, Director, Musician.
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